tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9102164943781687699Thu, 31 May 2012 02:42:43 +0000good newsmotherhoodpost-partummomentsprayer needsultrasoundnurseryewan's heartcommunityreeseprojectsupdatestensiontetralogy of fallotgive thanks like eliezercongenital heart defectsthe belly reportfavorite thingsconversationsmysteryHLHSfamilyletters to austengetting ready for babyvideoewanletters to Godcelebrationblogsbirth storyhumorhealingnormal/extraordinarylearning curvespaying it forwardfalling in loveblanket drivescripturegrieffatherhoodgratitudefaithhis bodystupid things people saybaby poolwho i amlaughterphoto reflectionsay their namesopinionresurrectionhome birthconversation cardsthis momentanniversarieslovepregnancymovingvirtual baby showertrustmidwiferyfrom the outside looking inbaby #2remembering ewanreminiscingasking whysurrenderchristmasadvertisingbaby joshuaausten briellephotosinspirationadvocacyhopesurgeryjust for funletters to myselfewan's first birthdaytransitionsholding the tensionoctober 15miraclesthings ewan taught usrecoverybaptismartworkNICUbaby showerhope changes everythingstressgood advicevloglet's get emotionalnew beginningmusicbirthing plansbowenjamesawarenessour little fightersaying goodbyeheart storyfriendshipdreamsletters to ewanbreastfeedingteam ewangiveawaytwitternormalcypray like eliezerquotesbaby cohenfearmedicineBaby Ewan has been diagnosed with a rare and serious congenital heart defect and is due to arrive in early October 2010. Team Ewan is for supporters, encouragers, and prayer warriors engaged on behalf of this sweet baby.http://www.team-ewan.com/noreply@blogger.com (kirsten)Blogger309125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9102164943781687699.post-4089333713826016928Thu, 31 May 2012 02:42:00 +00002012-05-30T22:42:43.221-04:00 Instructions: 1. Look at this photo. 2. Repeat as often as necessary.http://www.team-ewan.com/2012/05/rx-for-rotten-day.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (kirsten)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9102164943781687699.post-6257907781739462525Tue, 22 May 2012 12:59:00 +00002012-05-22T11:11:41.705-04:00austen briellephotosupdatesI gave birth. I blinked. And then I had a four-month-old. I will blink, and then I'll blink again and she will be driving. I'm not sure where the time goes, but I'm fairly certain that it is hanging out with the lost socks somewhere. Austen, like many babies -- and many grown-ups for that matter -- is a moving target. Just as soon as I have her patterns and preferences mostly figured out, theyhttp://www.team-ewan.com/2012/05/where-time-goes.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (kirsten)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9102164943781687699.post-8421375330862042347Thu, 10 May 2012 12:17:00 +00002012-05-10T12:29:18.693-04:00 Austen is nearly 4 months old now. After all the amazing things my body has done -- two pregnancies and natural births, feeding and sustaining this little one with my body -- I still get stuck in a rut of thinking negatively about what I see in the mirror. I pinch my arms, jiggle my thighs, and squeeze the jelly on my stomach, displeased with what I see.   My husband is incredibly http://www.team-ewan.com/2012/05/postpartum-body.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (kirsten)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9102164943781687699.post-8956163958867677242Sun, 06 May 2012 12:28:00 +00002012-05-06T08:28:22.066-04:00holding the tensionewantensionausten briellephotosI've been through her line at Costco a number of times. I moved here early in my second trimester of pregnancy with Austen, and Jennifer had seen my belly grow and always commented on how much she liked my hair. When she asked if this was my first, I told her truthfully it was my second child. Boy or girl? she asked. Boy, I replied. And that's as far as it ever went. I went through her line http://www.team-ewan.com/2012/05/thoughts-on-mothers-day.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (kirsten)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9102164943781687699.post-3030343516303814335Tue, 01 May 2012 16:56:00 +00002012-05-01T12:56:49.622-04:00About four years ago, I wrote a poem called "The Art of Map Folding." In it, I describe how I wish that simply by folding a map, I could bring together in reality two points separated by too many miles. I've never wanted to fold a map like that more, to bypass those 3,500 miles or so altogether so my family are neighbors. I hate that there are so many miles between us. This week has been so http://www.team-ewan.com/2012/05/it-went-by-far-too-quickly.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (kirsten)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9102164943781687699.post-9096486564065482866Fri, 27 Apr 2012 12:59:00 +00002012-04-27T09:20:33.326-04:00I don't know that our time together with Nana and Auntie meeting Austen for the first time has been any more surreal than for any other family who hasn't experienced the loss of the child. But "surreal" is a word we're using a lot. Bliss. Austen (normally a quite contented and happy baby) is as happy as I've ever seen her with all the attention she's getting: the arms willing to hold her,http://www.team-ewan.com/2012/04/i-dont-think-i-can-let-them-go-home-now.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (kirsten)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9102164943781687699.post-2155176389145547112Wed, 25 Apr 2012 18:41:00 +00002012-04-25T16:58:22.593-04:00 http://www.team-ewan.com/2012/04/worth-wait.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (kirsten)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9102164943781687699.post-8964892861327646760Tue, 24 Apr 2012 16:30:00 +00002012-04-24T12:30:05.826-04:00... is getting cuter by the day.    ... is getting ready to sit up. ... is so excited to see her Nana & Auntie for the FIRST time (arriving tonight)!! http://www.team-ewan.com/2012/04/someone.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (kirsten)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9102164943781687699.post-5389499015926867022Wed, 18 Apr 2012 19:12:00 +00002012-04-18T15:12:33.854-04:00It's the 18th. I didn't realize until I was already holding Austen and my midwife was stitching me up: Ewan and Austen were both born on the 18th of the month. I was exhausted from labor and giddy with a newborn in my tired arms. At the time, the fact didn't strike me as bitter in the least. A few neighborhood girls stopped by last night. They're in the fourth grade or so, and I invited them inhttp://www.team-ewan.com/2012/04/18th.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (kirsten)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9102164943781687699.post-3277693697301065032Thu, 12 Apr 2012 16:17:00 +00002012-04-12T12:40:47.929-04:00motherhoodI've often heard it said of motherhood that it is exactly that: "the best/hardest/most important job in the world." I heard it well before motherhood was a reality or even a possibility for me. I wanted to believe it, but oftentimes got the sneaking suspicion that the people saying it (and maybe even the people hearing it) were merely paying lip service to the idea, trying so hard to believe it http://www.team-ewan.com/2012/04/besthardestmost-important-job-in-world.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (kirsten)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9102164943781687699.post-8025472768096049236Mon, 09 Apr 2012 16:23:00 +00002012-04-09T12:23:30.755-04:00austen briellephotos This girl is too much!! http://www.team-ewan.com/2012/04/requisite-too-cool-in-my-baby-shades.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (kirsten)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9102164943781687699.post-328782099032566798Sat, 07 Apr 2012 16:38:00 +00002012-04-07T12:38:57.244-04:00austen briellephotosIt's been awhile, I know. Nothing's wrong, and we haven't been particularly busy. Our days, for the most part, proceed with the same steady rhythm. I've simply found that giving myself over to the care of this child is where I most want and need to be right now. It's not that I don't want naps, that I don't need to vacuum or clean my kitchen, and it's not that I don't want to blog. I do. It's http://www.team-ewan.com/2012/04/austen-her-mama.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (kirsten)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9102164943781687699.post-7961167417306786444Tue, 27 Mar 2012 16:19:00 +00002012-03-27T12:24:25.823-04:00gratitudegriefI heard from a friend last night who just lost her second pregnancy in a year. One day she had a perfectly healthy, normal pregnancy in her belly and the next, the baby was gone. Just like that -- just that fast. Baby, then all of the sudden -- no baby. An empty womb, and a broken heart. No explanation, no obvious reason. A card I bought after Ewan died. My friend heard the usual platitudes, http://www.team-ewan.com/2012/03/sacred-work-of-grief.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (kirsten)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9102164943781687699.post-7406062461861798293Thu, 22 Mar 2012 15:44:00 +00002012-03-22T11:44:26.304-04:00austen briellephotos http://www.team-ewan.com/2012/03/i-dare-you-not-to-kiss-this-face.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (kirsten)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9102164943781687699.post-1258851280177509121Tue, 20 Mar 2012 01:49:00 +00002012-03-19T22:58:12.860-04:00austen briellephotosBefore I left, I wondered if it would be too much. A little over an hour away from home, I found out for sure and turned the truck around. If only it were that easy.  I stopped, pulled over into the shaded parking lot of an all-you-can-eat buffet where I got into the back seat, leaving the keys in the ignition and the A/C going so it wouldn't get too hot while I nursed her. An older lady http://www.team-ewan.com/2012/03/homebody.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (kirsten)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9102164943781687699.post-8437195676625771973Mon, 19 Mar 2012 17:08:00 +00002012-03-19T13:08:52.669-04:00austen briellephotosAusten had her two-month checkup today and she's doing great! I wasn't too surprised to find that she's in the 50th percentile for weight and the 95th percentile for length (24 inches). Our girl is healthy and thriving. Such a gift!! We are also embarking on a bit of an adventure today. We're joining "Auntie" Christianne on Captiva Island for a couple of days. It's kind of a long drive, but we http://www.team-ewan.com/2012/03/austen-update.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (kirsten)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9102164943781687699.post-7831425576447646106Wed, 14 Mar 2012 13:53:00 +00002012-03-14T09:53:54.598-04:00austen briellephotosI can't believe our little munchkin is already 8 weeks old! She is more and more fun by the day! She spends her days eating and sleeping and more and more often these days, smiling at her mama. I will read to her, play with her, naming off each of her body parts or singing one of the many songs we've made up about her to melodies by the Beatles, Feist, or Eartha Kitt. One of the funniest http://www.team-ewan.com/2012/03/8-weeks.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (kirsten)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9102164943781687699.post-4572473948561512658Tue, 13 Mar 2012 18:33:00 +00002012-03-13T21:23:48.830-04:00ewanausten briellephoto reflectionphotosThat little monkey has seen and been through quite a lot with this family. Click image to view a larger version of the photo. http://www.team-ewan.com/2012/03/continuity.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (kirsten)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9102164943781687699.post-1779701905952597152Sat, 10 Mar 2012 17:45:00 +00002012-03-11T09:28:15.220-04:00austen briellegriefphotosremembering ewanAusten is asleep in the baby swing right now. As I watch her rock back and forth, head lolling off to one side, it occurs to me that we've had this swing since we were pregnant with Ewan. A co-worker of mine, knowing I was pregnant, asked if I wanted any of their leftover baby things that she was seeking to get rid of. After a boy and a girl, she and her husband felt their family was complete. I http://www.team-ewan.com/2012/03/pockets-of-grief.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (kirsten)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9102164943781687699.post-7284144118760090436Wed, 07 Mar 2012 17:00:00 +00002012-03-07T12:00:37.646-05:00austen briellephotosWhile I highly doubt that the lady adjusting to life with a now 7-week-old baby needs to explain why she hasn't posted much lately, it's still a temptation for me. We've had family come to visit, we've had some bumps along the way in breastfeeding (nothing we can't handle, though -- and thank God they were temporary bumps), and once more in the realm of stating the obvious: I'm tired. I've found http://www.team-ewan.com/2012/03/7-weeks.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (kirsten)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9102164943781687699.post-5334913427126954065Thu, 01 Mar 2012 13:52:00 +00002012-03-01T13:29:56.098-05:00austen briellethings ewan taught usphotosLike almost any mother of a newborn, tired is an understatement. Last night was arguably the most restless since she's been born. After sleeping from about 7:30 to 11 pm, she woke up for another feeding and couldn't seem to get enough. We fed, burped, rocked, and waited and then repeated until she was satisfied and at least mostly asleep. Even after that, she flailed and kicked in her sleep, and http://www.team-ewan.com/2012/03/redemption-healing.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (kirsten)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9102164943781687699.post-6302829305375618306Wed, 29 Feb 2012 13:39:00 +00002012-02-29T08:39:29.916-05:00gratitudeausten briellethings ewan taught usphotosI think last night's status update says it best: "Sometimes when I'm holding that warm little baby with her head resting on my shoulder, I remember where we've been and what we've lost -- and I am so overcome that I can't help but hold tight and weep with gratitude." http://www.team-ewan.com/2012/02/gratitude-and-something-more.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (kirsten)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9102164943781687699.post-5896934551661132032Mon, 27 Feb 2012 15:08:00 +00002012-02-27T14:51:08.783-05:00this momentausten briellephotosDirty dishes are overflowing in the sink. Leaves tracked in from the outside are strewn across the living room carpet and the kitchen floor. My coffee table is completely cluttered. I'd like to say I don't care about these things, but I do. To tell you the truth, they are driving me nuts. But I'm making a choice to let those things sit for a bit, to let the people who are here to do those thingshttp://www.team-ewan.com/2012/02/this-moment.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (kirsten)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9102164943781687699.post-114828500757078489Sun, 26 Feb 2012 22:36:00 +00002012-02-26T17:36:14.728-05:00dreamsewanausten briellephotosIf you had the chance to let the world know just one thing about you, what would it be? I had a dream last night that clung to me for hours after sleep had turned to half-sleep and then awake. I was in an impossibly large crowd of people. Oprah was hosting some kind of major event. I was sitting in the crowd, holding Austen. And one by one, she asked people the question I asked at the http://www.team-ewan.com/2012/02/that-one-true-thing.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (kirsten)tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9102164943781687699.post-1119081227240467252Thu, 23 Feb 2012 12:42:00 +00002012-02-23T07:42:39.930-05:00austen briellequotesphotos"Any man can be a father but it takes someone special to be a dad."-- Anne Geddes http://www.team-ewan.com/2012/02/daddy.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (kirsten)