21 October 2010

The First Four Days in Pictures

One of the ways I've been remembering Ewan and his life is by going through the photos we took in the hospital. I always knew some of these would be difficult to look at -- when I look at them (even the ones taken prior to surgery), I remember every emotion in startling detail like I'm experiencing it fresh, for the first time, all over again. But I also knew that it would be far more difficult not to have them -- not to have the memories of the fifteen days Ewan graced me with his life.

I've found that my mood and emotions have so much to do with how I process a photo, how I remember him. There are so many left to go through, but I wanted to share these first four days of Ewan with you.

Enjoy ...


24 comments:

Kristin said...

He is just SO beautiful...and those eyes. You have talked about his eyes but you can see it in his photos..piercing and so intent on you. I love the one where the skin on the back of his head is bunching up in a couple of rolls...he is a treasure. This morning I woke up about 2am (central time) and you were on my mind...prayers are coming all the time.
Kristin

melis said...

Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful baby boy. Such a sweet little baby. I can see the world in his eyes! and the love for his mama! praying for you all.

love and hugs
melissa
xo

Bethany said...

love them all! But my favorite?! The ones were his little hand is grasping your finger. Continued prayers are sent your way!

Sarah said...

Having such a visceral reaction to these - I want to scream for you and for him, for what should have been. Such a beautiful little soul . . . I'm so glad you have all these shots.

terri said...

Looking at these photos, it doesn't seem possible that he's gone. He's so perfect. How wonderful and terrible to look at his sweet, beautiful face and the way he held you with his hand and his eyes. Dear God.

Tara said...

Beautiful....thank you for sharing. Continued love and prayers for you.

Tara

Leslie said...

Such a beautiful, beautiful baby boy. Those eyes. The intensity of his gaze. As if he was sharing a lifetime everytime he looked at you. I know it hurts so much. Praying for you right now.

Debby@Just Breathe said...

Thank you for sharing these, they are beautiful and Ewan is so precious. ((HUGS)) Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

Mama Ewan, he is incredibly beautiful with the most peaceful and wise eyes I've seen in a tiny baby. He is a treasure. Wishing you strength. Love Christa

melifaif said...

You said it before. It was all in the eyes. Thank you for sharing yor sweet blessing, heart ache and pain with us all...you remain in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

You are such an awesom person and mom. You and your sweet little little boy have touch my life so much. I think of you often and pray for you daily. Thanks for sharing your life with me. amy

Kimberley said...

he had me with those eyes! :)
what a beautiful baby boy!!!

Carolina Carters said...

Beautiful pictures...beautiful boy!

Praying for you always.

christianne said...

From the very first moment, it was his eyes for me. But also in these pictures, it was his tiny hand around your finger.

And it was you.

You are so radiant, my lovely one. In these photographs, I see your mama heart. You are Ewan's mama. You always will be caring for him. You always will be loving him. You always will be wanting his best.

I love you. Thank you for sharing your beautiful heart and baby with us.

xoxo,
Christianne

Lisette said...

So beautiful, thank you for sharing. ((HUGS))

Melissa said...

Ewan is absolutely adorable. These pictures are amazing. Thank you for sharing them and for sharing Ewan with all of us. I know I have learned so much from this tiny person and from your strength and faith. I think of you both daily
Hugs
Melissa
www.yesallfivearemine.blogspot.com

kristi said...

You do not know me but I have followed along and just want to say what an amazing mother you were and are to Ewan , and what a
complete Inspiration you are to everyone else.

Wayne and Sue Rasmussen said...

So precious these pictures ... Ewan was such a beautiful little boy. I love seeing your face as you love him, and his face as he searches your eyes. Thank you for sharing him with us. Still praying for you ...

Rebecca said...

There really was something about his eyes. So peaceful and deep. What a blessing that you can call him yours.

Thanks, again, for sharing your special boy with us. I know I am forever changed because of his precious life.

Danielle said...

Thank you for sharing pictures of your sweet, beautiful Ewan, Kirsten. Just as you have said, I can't get over his eyes...they are perfect; so intense and focused on you. From those looks, I know that he knew it was you, that you were his momma and that he was very, very deeply loved.

On one of your past posts, you wrote that the passage of time doesn't give you a change to get used to life without Ewan, it only reminds you of the things you are missing...that resonates with me so much. I have written about that many times in regards to Aaron. My heart aches with yours and breaks over and over again, each and every day. I have to be honest in saying that I was frustrated and mad at God when I first heard that you were having to say goodbye to Ewan. I had been praying for his healing and that no other parents would have to walk the devastating path we had just been down. I am so very sorry, Kirsten, and hate that you are having to go through this.

I wish I could have just a glimpse of what our boys are doing now...

Continuing to pray for healing and comfort for you. Love to you,
Danielle

felmleyfam said...

before i even look at the pictures, i must say that your topic is all i have been thinking about regarding your situation the last few days. i have been thinking of how you are probably so thankful for so many pictures and yet so saddened by the emotions that go with them and even more so in that there won't be any more. i am so grateful you took so many memories on film. we will lift you up through these times. thank you for sharing.

Bailey said...

Ohh, that little chin! What a beautiful son. Processing and sharing those photos must take such strength. Praying for you and your family.

amandadahmes said...

Thank you for sharing those precious moments. He is soooo handsom. Those eyes and little hands.. My heart goes out to you.. many thoughts and prayers <3 God bless

hopeannfaith said...

Simply speechless...
Thank you.
Andrea