04 October 2010

The Hope That We Have

But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about those who have died, so that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have died. For this we declare to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will by no means precede those who have died. For the Lord himself, with a cry of command, with the archangel’s call and with the sound of God’s trumpet, will descend from heaven, and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up in the clouds together with them to meet the Lord in the air; and so we will be with the Lord for ever. Therefore encourage one another with these words. 
1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 (NRSV)


In loving memory
Ewan Eliezer Petermann
18 September 2010 - 3 October 2010



Half of my heart went to heaven last night.

We learned yesterday in the early afternoon that he had a bacterial infection (which proves fatal for so many of these special heart babies), and that several of his organs were failing. Though his oxygen saturation levels were in the upper 90s to 100, the oxygen wasn't perfusing through his body. The nurses said my normally active, awake, and squirmy boy hadn't opened his eyes all day.

And just the afternoon before, he had been looking intently into my eyes as I talked to and sang to him -- he moved his mouth as if to form words. I asked him if he had something to say. From the moment of his birth, he always had a deadlock with his eyes on James and I. When he looked at me, he'd really be looking at me. His gaze was so intent. There was recognition there, and I savored every moment.

We didn't get to see him open his eyes again.

In the presence of family and close friends, we gathered around his bed a little after 8 pm and prayed: thanking God for the gift of Ewan, thanking God for how even in just the span of his two weeks of life, his broken heart touched so many others. We thanked God for how He used Ewan to change lives, to encourage parents to hug their children a little tighter and a little longer. We sang hymns, and we played gentle lullabies.

The respiratory therapist came in an extubated him when we were ready. He was still connected to the ECMO machine so we could have our time to say goodbye. They brought in a couch for us to sit on in his room. We took turns holding him, kissing him, nibbling on his toes, stroking his hair, telling him how very much he was loved. He looked so very peaceful and was not in any kind of pain.

As Ewan Eliezer Petermann passed from this world to the next, he was surrounded by love and peace and so many people who loved him, who were there for his entrance. There was so much love, compassion, and dignity. One of the nurses who left us just before the shift change said that though she was not the least bit religious, she could feel angels in the room. I held him in my arms until the very moment the Everlasting Arms swept him up and took him home.

He came into this world in my arms, and that's how he left.

Even as I wept, I was filled up with peace. My sweet boy had fought so hard, but his body had failed him. He looked so peaceful and perfect. So many there that night -- nurses and doctors as well -- said it was hard to believe that a baby as perfect-looking as him could have something so very wrong with him.

I know. I know.

It was shortly before midnight that we called the nurse in to disconnect the ECMO. We knew we'd never really be ready for that moment. No one could have been. Every monitor was shut off, every machine shut down. You could see the change in his skin almost instantly. In just a few minutes, he was gone. The little heart finally stopped beating. Our sweet, sweet baby went to heaven.

If we had to say goodbye to him, I wouldn't have had it any other way.


* * * * *

Many have been struggling with the desire to say something that will help. Let me take that pressure away: there is nothing to be said that will take away or diminish our grief, even though we know that we do not grieve as those without hope. We understand that, and we certainly don't expect it. One of the hardest (but best) things to do is to sit in silence with someone who is grieving -- simply to sit and to be present without the need to offer words.

We thank you so much for how much and how well you have loved us, how you have loved Ewan, and how you will love us through this new season.

192 comments:

Stefenie said...

Kirsten,
Crying reading the very sad news of Ewan's passing. I had grown to love that precious boy through the loving words you shared of him. I know that he was so very loved and I am sure that he knew just that. You did a beautiful job as his mother even it was for such a short time.

Praying that you feel His presence throughout the days ahead as you grieve.

Always here for you!

Stef

Sheila Palaruan said...

Oh, my dearest friends who have been in my daily prayers, I'm sorry for the grief you are now feeling. Please know that little Ewan has touched the lives of so many, including mine, and that he had such an IMPORTANT mission on this earth, and his gifts will continue to unfold each day. He is with my daughter--my only child--and I've asked her to welcome him into heaven. Please stay strong, and know that you are loved by so many, and most importantly, by God himself. Heartfelt blessings to you.

Momma Dana said...

Thank you for sharing your beautiful boy with us. He has had a precious and powerful life, and has been a blessing to us. I look forward to meeting Ewan in heaven.

Anonymous said...

I love you three so much. Thank you for sharing this very personal experience. Perhaps in heaven, Ewan will find our baby Jordan, who we never got to meet face to face but who is, we are confident, in God's presence. We think of you continually and will continue to pray. ~Miriam, Anthony, & River

Tanner and Lindsay Cooper said...

I am so sorry. We are praying for God's peace to overwhelm your lives. Ewan's story has and will forever be in my heart.

jana said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful boy. It brings back vivid memories of our son's death. You are fabulous parents and Ewan knew and knows the love that all shared during his short life. He touched more lives than most people will in a long lifetime. Many prayers for you as you move through the process of grieving and celebrating his wonderful memory.

tea said...

My heart breaks for you, Kirsten...and I am crying with you... You and your husband will continue to be in my prayers. May God's presence be with you and may he hold you in his arms in these days.
With love <3

Anonymous said...

You do not grieve alone at the loss of your precious baby , you do not rejoice in your knowledge of God and His love and plan, alone either....we are all here, so are the angels and so is Ewan.

For all of us who have lost...we understand teh path you will take and will stand and pray to help you along that path....but that path, so familiar to us, holds a journey that are unique to each one....so we may know the path you will take and the steps you will go through but your journey will be uniquely yours.
God bless you with the understanding and patience you will need. May God envelope you with love and peace. May you find rest. Trust in yourself, hold on to what is good, true and right and you will find your way on this journey.
You will never be the same....with time you will be "better" and find a deeper meaning to a lot of things. You will see with different glasses.

With prayers in my heart,

BOston K Jensens Family
bostonkjensen.blogspot.com

Rebecca said...

Kirsten, I am weeping.

Thank you for sharing Ewan with us. He touched and broke my heart and I am so glad to know that he safe in the arms of our Heavenly Father and that his broken heart is whole again.

My one prayer was that if you had to say goodbye to Ewan, you would have a chance to hold him. I am so thankful that you had that moment.

I love you.

keelstar said...

Tears are streaming down my face Kirsten. There truly are no words, nothing to really make any of this better. I am just so thankful that you are surrounded by people who love you and who are able to be the arms of Jesus to you right now, to offer hugs and to simply sit with you. Ewan is so loved by so many and you and James will continue to be in my prayers.

Blue Moon Girl said...

Know that there are many who are holding your hands today, praying, and grieving for your beautiful boy. I'm so very sorry.

terri said...

so much love and sorrow. holding you here friend. no words could ever tell it.

sarahww said...

It has been inspiring, uplifting, and devastating to go through this experience with you via posts. But I'm so grateful for your courage to write this down and share it with all of us out here, who, remotely, are wishing you all the best and rooting for you absolutely, and will continue to pray for you through this time of tremendous loss and grief. Love and sympathies.

thetravelingpeach said...

so so sorry for your loss. you seem like such amazing people and such beautiful words in this hard time. sending you and your whole family light and love.

Anna said...

I love you Kirsten and James.

Alex and Jill said...

You're right. There are no words to make the pain go away. Know that I'm lifting your family up right now. The same Heavenly Father that is holding Ewan in his arms will comfort your breaking hearts through this most difficult time.

I'm so sorry.

Kim Elkins said...

I read your blog for the first time moments ago as I browsed around on my phone waiting in the line of cars to pick up my children from school. With big,fat tears in my eyes I will give my kids extra love, remembering just how lucky I am to be able to do just that. I will pray that you continue to feel peace and healing.

Dillie-O said...

Sitting with tears, we pour our our love to you.

Sean, Jen, Rylee & Haylee

Hope's Blog said...

Tears are pouring as I read through your post. RIP Ewan. There are no words to help with your grief, but I pray that God provides the peace you need through this journey.

Sarah said...

Sitting with you in these ashes, holding tight.

Anonymous said...

Weeping silently from miles away holding you up in prayer.

Wendy said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. You have lots of prayers coming to you from Ohio.

Molly said...

I am so very, very sorry. Thank you for sharing your little boy with all of us - he will always have a place in our hearts, and I will hold my heart baby a little closer because of him. God bless all of you - you will remain in our prayers.

deb said...

I'm here.
bowed head, tears, love

HennHouse said...

Love you.

christianne said...

Yes, there simply are no words. I had no words of comfort to offer you last night, only tears and my sorrow.

Sweet Ewan Eliezer, you are so beloved by so many. We're thankful you know joy in the presence of Jesus right now and that your little body is perfected and made whole. Perhaps you will meet little Ava Hunter in heaven ... she is a lot of fun and very mischievous but also very loving and kind. She loves Jesus, too, and I am sure she will want to know you and introduce you to all the beauty of your new home in the presence of your Maker.

Kirsten, you have all my love in this place. Any time you just need presence, I am here.

Love love love,
Christianne

Angela said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. He is now at peace, but had much joy & love in the short time here with his most loving parents. I want you to know that you & your son have made an impact in my life, and I will forever remember and cherish his name. -Angela

hopeannfaith said...

...sitting silently. Peace <3
Andrea

heather said...

Oh, dear Kirsten, I am crying with you. And I look forward to meeting Ewan in the Resurrection.

Come quickly, Lord.

Inside My Shell said...

I don't know what to say, I'm still crying. My heart goes out to you. You are in my prayers.

MarfMom said...

You're right, there are no words to say. But I thank you for sharing your son with all of us. Our family has been praying that Ewan and all of your family would feel peace. Tears are streaming down my face as I read you post. It's my belief someday in heaven we'll be reunited with our loved ones. We'll continue to pray for you that you will feel the comfort and love and peace of Heavenly Father, all those of us who have been following your journey, and of course Ewan himself.

Jamie said...

I'm so sorry. :(

Sending prayers.

Hazel Nut said...

I am so sorry to hear about Ewan's passing. Sending prayers for strength and peace.

Summer {Bisfor...} said...

my heart, thoughts and prayers are with you.

Statius said...

You are in my prayers.

Courtney Holder said...

I'm so very sorry about your baby Ewan. so very sorry. sending prayers.

Lani said...

Sitting with you. Heartbroken with hope. A friend of the Bronleewe's.

The Hands said...

That passage of scripture is so appropriate. I will continue praying with you as you process the grief. We are sitting with you awaiting the resurrection.

KLaw said...

My heart is empty. I am so broken for you and your family. I am so so sorry. We are all with you. Sending you love and hoping you find peace in your heart

Leah said...

He is in a better place now, where there is nothing wrong with his heart and he is always safe and surrounded by love. Keep praying girl, and also hold him in your heart <3

Anonymous said...

Kirsten, words fail me. I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Please know that your precious son is forever instilled in my heart. I so wished and prayed and hoped that the outcome would be different for Ewan. I can not say I know how you feel because I do not. Please know that my heart just aches for your family. You were there when Ewan was knitted in your womb, you were there for every kick, you were there for his birth and you were there when he took his last breath. There is something so amazing in that. I am cryins so hard that it is hard for me to form thoughts into words.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Shannon Egan

ANewKindOfPerfect said...

I am so saddened to read this update. My heart is heavy for you. You will remain in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

32-1/2 years ago we lost our firstborn son, a 4lb 3 oz 32 week premie , who the nurses told us they wouldn't get attached to because he would be going home so soon. We held him and fed him at 6:00 on that Wednesday morning, then went back to the room to pack my stuff up for my check out that day. Matthew would be transfered to a hospital closer to where we lived and would probably be home in 2 weeks. At 8 a.m. they told us he was having issues and at 10 a.m. he passed away.
You are right - there isn't anything to be said. The saddness will lessen but it will never "go away." I miss Matthew all the time - sometimes more then others.
The hospital staff thought we were wing-nuts because of the peace that we felt and spoke of. The social workers told us we needed to "deal with it" or it would destroy our marriage. HE gives a peace that surpasses all understanding.
Praying for you all - now and in the coming months.
Love,
Holly Campbell

The Sexton 3 said...

I have sat in your shoes and still don't know what to say. You are right. There are NO words.

Know that I am sitting beside you in spirit.

One sweet day, we will hold them forever and never let go.

Kristin
http://lukesexton.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

My gift to you, as you grieve and celebrate Ewan's life. Listen and think of Ewan worshiping even now. I can only image...
Evan and I love you deeply, pray for you daily and long to hold you tightly.
xoxo
Carrie

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry. Though you do not know me, please know that I am praying for your family.
Love,
Shannan

Anonymous said...

Hello, I found your blog via facebook. I am so sorry for your loss. My son CJ was born with a a severe heart defect. His first surgery was June 2009 and it resulted in several more and two battles with infection. Sadly he lost his battle on Sept 2, 2009. My husband and I lived in a hospital for 65 days and road a rollercoaster of good days and bad days. We never lost hope. I know how hard it is to make that decision as we had to make it too. Though I do not know you please know that Ewan will never be forgotten. If you ever want to talk please feel free to email me at sugarplumb579@hotmail.com.
I will say a prayer of healing for you and your family.

Heart Hugs,
Alyssa Sylvia

Tiffany said...

I am so very sorry.

Katie said...

Crying and praying for you,
katie

lindsay said...

wow im so sorry words cant express what ur feeling and no words can make it ok. just know hes in better hands & not suffering anymore!

Joye said...

Rest in the sweetest peace, sweet baby Ewan.

Kirsten - continuing to pray for you, James, and the rest of your family as you grieve the loss of your precious baby boy.

Wayne and Sue Rasmussen said...

We will be silently praying and weeping with you as you take your grief to our heavenly Father.

David Hallgren said...

My prayers have been with you and will continue to lift you up. Your faith is inspiring and comforting. Blessings,
David

di said...

grieving with you

Vanessa/NessieNoodle said...

I will sit in silence and make sure to squeeze my family extra big tonight (and always) for you and other families that have lost.
Ewan has a special place in all of our hearts, because of his heart. to have touched so many in such a small amount of time is pretty special.

chksngr said...

Thank you for sharing your story and for giving us the opportunity to stand in faith with you on this journey. You have extended a precious gift to me and many others simply by letting us stand with you..and reminding us that every precious moment is to be treasured. Thank you for being faithful with the gift of Ewan. May you receive a thousand fold what you have given. Blessings, Felecia

Katie said...

I'm so very sorry Kirsten and James. You are right, there are no words. But please know how much you're thought of, loved and prayed for. Ewan will be missed and will forever stay in our hearts. My love and heart hugs to you...
Love,
Bryan, Katie, Jace, Caden and Maddie (Ewan's heart sister)

carolyn q said...

There are not words to describe what I am feeling for you because it's so painful. I am so sorry as I was hopeful that Ewan would defy the odds. One thing for sure is that your whole family has been loved and will be continued to be loved on this journey.
Though I don't know you, I feel a kinship to you because I know what it is to be an mother to an Angel.

(HUGS)
Carolyn Quigley
Angel Hope's mommyu

Elly said...

Oh <3, I'm sorry, hey. He was loved, though. So very much. Thank you for sharing him with us. My thoughts are with you and yours x

mina said...

My heart is aching for you. I have cried many tears for the baby I didn't even know...........

Dawn Bent said...

You are so wonderful for sharing this.. and sharing Ewan's legend to us. I am so sorry that he's gone. He will never be forgotten. Never. xoxoxoxo

Cindy said...

Kirsten & James,
My heart is breaking for you at this very moment. I am so sorry to read of Ewan's passing. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Offering many hugs and much love from Baltimore!

Anonymous said...

Today is the first time I heard about your baby boy. My heart aches for your loss as I read your blog. I will pray for you as I know this is all I can do. Bless you and your family during this time.

Lindsey said...

I am so sorry. Sending love to you and your precious family and hoping you will find peace within your heart.

rsiewert said...

Just sitting and praying with you now.....

felmleyfam said...

praying for you
so thankful you got to kiss your baby last night

Kimberley said...

sitting numb with tears streaming down my face. i am so sorry for your loss. he was so special and definitely made an impact on my life. i will miss his sweet precious face. lifting you up during this difficult time.

Tatiana said...

I can hardly imagine the grief that you and your husband are going through. Your story is so heartbreaking, but so touching and inspirational at the same time. You will be kept in my prayers.

Mindi said...

Praying for you and your family. Thanks for sharing your story and Ewan with us.

Michelle said...

So sorry for the loss of your sweet boy Ewan. I hope you find the peace that only God can grant in a time like this. From a fellow heart mom ...

Anonymous said...

Kirsten and James,

I have been praying for you since a friend sent a prayer request on your behalf eleven days ago. I am so sorry for your loss. I am grieving and weeping with you. Ewan was the most beautiful baby I have ever seen.

I will continue to lift you up, that God will sustain and comfort you. He is holding you in His hand. Isaiah 41:10

Love,
Christine

Anonymous said...

Sorry - I forgot to add the song link for you to listen.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_lrrq_opng&feature=channel
"I Can Only Imagine" by Mercy Me
love, Carrie and Evan

Anonymous said...

He truly did change my live from the day I read his (your) story. I am truly heartbroken for your loss but know he is at peace. What a beautiful way to say goodbye... until you hold him again.

Cynthia said...

I am so very sorry you've been called upon to endure this time apart. May you all join together in the Great Everlasting, a family eternal. Until then, may God fill your home and heart with peace even if it is not the miracle we all prayed for Ewan.

Jess said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Kristen and James,

So deeply sorry to learn this news of Ewan's passing. We pray for your peace and Ewan's beautiful soul. Your faith and your words are so beautiful and loving - you are an inspiration.

Our love to you - The Marshall Family from St. Joe's

Jess said...

Kirsten and James,
We have never met, and never will this side of heaven, but my heart aches for you both. I sit with you in silence, because I have no words. I am so sorry. I thank God we have the promise to see our loved ones again.

Jess

Jen said...

I learned today about your son. I didn't know your family before today, but I wanted to offer both my congratulations on such a beautiful son, and my condolences that he was with you such a short time.
Our family experienced the loss of a baby boy four years ago, and it changed our lives forever.
I know there will never be anything that takes his memory from you, but the pain will lessen with time. There will certainly be days that take your breath away with their pain, and some of them will surprise you long after you thought they wouldn't happen like that anymore. But it will not feel this way forever. I just wanted to offer you that encouragement.

We were fortunate to emerge from our grieving process in a positive place, having run to God and He was never more close to us than in those moments. As hard as it was for us, we are now able to have compassion on people we would never have understood, and having grown in ways we could never have, had our journey with our son not happened.
We miss him to this day, and don't understand all the 'whys', but I am praying for you to have the same positives come from Ewan's short life. His life has certainly been powerful.

Steph said...

I am devastated for you and your family. This is such sad news and I am so sorry that Ewan is gone. His spirit lives on. His story will live on. His parents and family will live on. It is not fair. This is the 2nd heart baby's blog I have read where the baby lived for about 2 weeks. 2 very tough weeks for you all, I am sure, but 2 very wonderful weeks of meeting Ewan and caring for him and loving him. As for you and your husband, the Lord will get you through this, but you already know that. HE has welcomed Ewan with open arms and now Ewan is in no pain and will watch over you and your husband forever. You will see Ewan again one day. I picture him laughing with your family that is already in heavan and playing with children and taking care of people in heavan. He is an angel now and always will be.

Your posts are beautiful. You are an INCREDIBLY strong woman and I admire you for everything - from the pregnancy to the natural birth to having to let go of your son. You and your husband are amazing and I wish you nothing but love and greatness as you continue to live, as Ewan would want you to. I will continue to follow your blog and hope one day to hear that you will welcome another life into this world, when you, your husband & the Lord are ready for that.
Take care and God Bless,
Steph
Tampa, FL

Jodi said...

Weeping and praying. Much love to you all.

Rebekah said...

I'm just an internet stranger with no words, crying and praying for your family. This is not the way we wished for Ewan to be healed, but healed he is, in God's way. I am so very, very sorry.

wenzlo said...

May God be with both of you and strengthen you through your time of loss. I am sorry to hear of your sad news....you were wonderful with including us as a part of Ewan and your lives. Thank you and we will thank God for taking him to a place where he will be loved and healed.

Denise said...

I found out about Ewan from Cora's mom. I have been praying for him since I was "introduced" to him. I am so sorry for your loss.

meg said...

you are right there are no words....

but so very many prayers to be said. may we take them to Jesus and may He bring the peace, love and comfort that only He can bring.

praying in Idaho. still and in the days to come.

real life ministries, Hayden community is praying and will continue to pray.

-eric and megan brewer

Anonymous said...

my heart breaks for you. I am so very very sorry for your loss. Blessed are you and praise Jesus for all that was done in Ewan's name.

Much Love,
A friend of a friend

kristenwhite76 said...

Hi Kirsten,
Every day I checked your blog and Facebook, praying for healing and good news. Chris and I are so sad to read of Ewan's passing. I cried while pumping in the bathroom here at my school. You are right; there are no words, but know that you are an inspiration. You have so many gifts and talents. God prepared you for this all along and I pray that you'll be able to have another baby when you are both ready if that is on your heart. Ewan's memory is forever a part of this world and you'll get to hold him again, even though it feels so far away.
Love,
Kristen

EugenieV said...

I am so very sorry. My husband and I have been praying for you and your family since he was born. I know that precious little baby is with Jesus. I don't know what to say (I know there isn't really anything) to ease your grief, but please know that our prayers are continuing for you and your husband.

Jacky Bridgewater

Melissa said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I found your blog and was immediatly captivated by it. I am in school for respiratory therapy and graduate in May. I am concentrating in pediatrics and neonates. Your blog and Ewan has inspired me even more. My heart breaks for you. Stay strong in your faith!

Emily (Laundry and Lullabies) said...

Crying with you, Kirsten. Thank you for sharing your beautiful boy's life with us and letting us pray alongside you. We will continue to lift your family up in prayer.

Anonymous said...

So very sorry, he had beautiful eyes.

Autumn said...

i followed your family's story nearly every day and i am so very, very saddened by this news. i pray God will grant you peace during this terribly tiring time.

Autumn
from Indy

Jessica said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Erika said...

Your faith is inspiring, I don't know you personally but I respect your reliance on God and the comfort you find in Him so much.

I'm so sorry you lost your little boy. He was a beautiful boy, and it sounds like you made his life rich and full of love in the short time he had here.

I look forward to meeting him in Heaven someday.

Rachel said...

Praying for you and your family as you miss this beautiful boy. May you feel God's loving presence holding you in His arms even as He holds your precious boy. Celebrating with you Ewan's whole and healed body and the wonderful, unimaginable celebration he is partaking in. May you feel at peace as you wait patiently for the day you are reunited.
Hugs and Prayers
Rachel in TN
(friend of the Bronlewees)

Jade Sheldon said...

You do not know me, and I do not know you, but when I read about Keli sending out prayers I knew I had to investigate further as to why.

Your words brought me to tears, not just because of the subject matter, but because of the love and shear honesty put forth in it.

Hold onto that faith of yours. It is something that some people spend their entire lives trying to find and never do.

I will never forget Ewan. Thank you for letting him into all of our lives.

Maryann said...

I pray you will feel God's arms around you the way Ewan felt yours.

The Grey Pawn said...

God be with all of you!

Maintain your faith in Christ and know that your sweet child suffers no more.

God bless you and keep you!

Love,

a heart daddy!

Leslie said...

Weeping with you in the loss of your precious baby boy.

ashia said...

praying for you guys. ewan touched my heart and my life. much love from mississippi.

Lindsey said...

As beautiful as he was here in your arms, imagine how absolutely gorgeous he is in the reflection of heaven. And a tiny heart now unbroken. Continued prayers for strength, grief and recovery to you and your entire family. God bless you all.

A Big Little Life said...

My heart aches for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

melissity said...

Evan is perfect, now.

God bless and comfort all of you.

Anonymous said...

Sitting silently...

with love. xxx

LeAnna said...

My heart aches for you and your husband. I am so so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing him with us, he is so special.

Anonymous said...

Praying for you.

Lindsey said...

...and when you're ready:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApDbmHGe-KQ

Borrowed Angels
sung by Kristin Chenoweth, from her Christian music album.

Anonymous said...

My heart cries over your sweet baby Ewan's passing. Thank you so much for sharing his beauty with us. You three will always be in our hearts and we continue to pray for you both at time moves ahead. God bless.

Anonymous said...

tears streaming down. can you feel a stranger's hug from a distance? continuing to pray for you all. love, lisa

Nickie said...

The angels are rejoicing... your precious boy is in the arms of Jesus now. He is healthy and happy beyond anything we can imagine. Much love to you and your family. I am so terribly sorry for your loss, but so very grateful for your faith and God's grace.

Indreni said...

I'm so sorry. His goodbye sounded so peaceful and loving. He was so lucky to have you as parents

Anonymous said...

Sitting in silence for you all...

Much love to you and beautiful Ewan.

Virginia's Mommy said...

I'm so sorry for the loss of Ewan. We will continue to pray for you and your family.

As a mom that has had a stillbirth and a miscarriage in the last 4 months--it's so difficult to hear the words of friends, family members and strangers--praying too that you will be surrounded with people who just sit with you in your suffering.

Some wonderful songs that helped us--
Glory Baby--Watermark
Dancing with the Angels--Monk & Neagle
Visitor from Heaven-Twila Paris

Anonymous said...

I too lost my son who lived for a glorious hour and 1/2 before the Lord took him home. He had a different defect, but your words hit home in such a huge way. I too was holding him as he took his first breath and last and while I too was crying, I couldnt help but smile because I carried an angel of God as you did. I'm so very sorry for your loss; Ewan IS with you. Take care and God Bless.

Nancy said...

I'm so sorry...
Keeping you all in my prayers.
Nancy in NH
mom to Kali Alyssa (born still on 4/12/96)
Cody Matthew (sinus venosus ASD, PAPVD,
stenosis of the SVC)
Tyler Michael (primum ASD, cleft mitral valve,
mitral regurgitation)
Alana Noelle (heart healthy!)

Danielle said...

You are not grieving the loss of your sweet son Ewan alone. No words, only tears. Lots of tears when I read the sad news today. Know that you are being lifted up in prayer and surrounded in love during this extremely difficult time. Praying that you and James feels the Lord's presence and peace in the coming days, weeks and months. You are wonderful parents!

PLEASE, let me know if you need anything. Love to beautiful Ewan and you all.

Jenny said...

Somehow I stumbled onto your blog a couple weeks before your son was born. I was immediately pulled into your journey, hoping and praying for the least painful outcome. Your strength and grace through all of this is an incredible inspiration. Please know that you and your son have touched the hearts and souls of people thousands of miles away. Thank you for being so open - you have inspired me to take a more purposeful approach to loving my family.

mkoleary said...

we feel your loss, share in your grief and are sitting in silence with you.

Blessed be your beautiful baby Ewan! may His love and grace surround you.

Baby Hung said...

I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm crying with you as we speak. I have no words but total grief right now, but we all know he's in Heaven with his Father. I'm so so so so sorry. I'm so scared of my own journey that I'm going to face and hope I have the same amount of faith you do when that time comes. I wish I can give you a hug and meet you in person.

Appalachia said...

I am so incredibly sorry to hear about Ewan's passing. He was a beautiful little boy -- my heart just melted the moment I saw the very first pictures of him. He -- and you for sharing him with us -- have also changed my heart in ways I still cannot quite articulate. I will never forget Ewan, and I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

truly blessed said...

dear sweet flickr friend...my heart is hurting for you as i read your words of love. may God grant you comfort and sweet peace. sending you love. <3

Anonymous said...

No words. Just know you are loved, even by people you've never met.

Your sister in Christ,
Jennifer Hood

Susan said...

Sitting in silence to honor your beautiful boy, Ewan.

Susan

Anonymous said...

Covering you in prayer! Asking for peace that passes understanding. May God hold you in His mighty hand, and give you shelter. God binds up the broken hearted...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cH16B5449Iw

Prayers,

Jennifer Brown
Fellow heart Mom

Shay said...

Kirsten and James,

I am crying as I read this...so beautifully written. what a peaceful and loving way you all had to say good-bye to your precious little monkey. glad you all were able to hold him, snuggle him, kiss him, nibble on his toes, and share your immense love for him.

I love you all so much and will continue to pray for you. God has you, and Ewan in His loving arms.

Melissa Elsner said...

Look at all this love!! Wow! I'm overwhelmed and sitting here thinking of you all and remembering last night. In a way, it almost seems wrong to say that it was beautiful. (I know it isn't wrong.) To watch the love between you and James.. and that love multiply to Ewan as you all held him and kissed him one last time. The Holy Spirit saturated that room! I'm still processing all of it. Thank you for being so bold to live out your faith... even in your most fragile times. You are amazing Kirsten!

rebecca said...

Stopping by from Sawyer's Heart to send love & prayers for you and your family. I am so sorry for your loss, hold close to those you love in the days to come.
"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.” --Washington Irving

Ellen said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family...Ewan is in the arms of his Maker...so sorry for your loss.

Anonymous said...

Words cannot express how sad I was to read of Ewan's passing. Your beautiful son touched so very many lives across the nation as you shared his story with us. He has found his way into my prayers daily and made me look at my own children with a little more kindness, patience and realize how very grateful we are for every moment we have with them and with each other. Your Ewan accomplished a lot during his short time here and I'm sure you are proud of your strong little boy. You gave him everything you had to give, your unrelenting support, your undying love and when the time came you made the most unselfish decision possible to let him go to peace in your arms.
Your family will in our prayers as you navigate this new phase.
Hannah

Jaycee said...

"Peace that passeth all human understanding..."

(((Hugs)))

Nancy said...

Kirsten and James, I am deeply sorry for your loss. Ewan is a beautiful boy and has touched so many live, mine included.

You are truly in our prayers, often minute-by-minute.

Heart hugs,
Nancy
mommy to Rebekah Grace (truncus arteriosus)
http://rebekahgraceellis.blogspot.com

K said...

Dear James and Kirsten,

I just keep thinking about how Ewan is experiencing the deep, deep love of Jesus right now. I pray that you will be able to experience some of this same love in this difficult time.

You are in my prayers.

A fellow chum,
Kat

liz houser photography said...

i am so very sorry and heart broken for your loss. i will continue to lift you up to god in prayer. god sent you a little piece of heaven when he placed your baby boy in your arms. thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing that precious piece of heaven with us.

Jenny said...

I'm so sorry.
God keep you in the hollow of his hand, and your precious little Evan.

Shalom.

Jenny, Australia

Deb said...

You are right. There are no words anyone can possibly say. My life has been blessed for having spent time in prayer for your sweet little boy and by the faith you have shared so openly as you wrote about your journey. I will continue to lift you all as you face the days ahead.

Anonymous said...

Dear Family of Ewan,

I'm so very sorry to hear of Ewan's passing. There must be a special place in heaven for our precious little ones who visited us for such a small amount of time but made such a large impact on our lives.

I read the following poem at the cemetery service for my precious girls (Emma and Sophia) and thought that I would share this with you.

God, Take This Child....
By Nancy Scott

Sweet child whom we never really got to know,
It’s hard for us to let you go.
We waited and we wanted you.
We had so many dreams for you.
We think of smiles we'll never see.
We think of events that will never be.
There will be no first steps and no first teeth.
There is only a void and our own grief.
We planned to take you to places far and near.
We yearned to keep you safe and free from fear.
We hoped to show you much of your new world.
We wanted to teach you as your life unfurled.
It’s hard to understand why you, our baby, died.
We feel so numb right now, many tears we’ve cried.
We have so many questions and no answers seem to come.
We tried so hard to save you; nothing could be done.
God, we stand before you broken-hearted
and ask you to heal these lives that must be parted
from this little one we can no longer hold,
who will always be a part of us, even when we're old.
God, take this child in your loving arms.
No more can he suffer any harm.
Bless him always and bless us too.
Be with us and help us to make it through

With love, prayers and hope
Maria

Joy said...

Love to you, Kristen and James, and Godspeed, dear Ewan...

Our heart grieves with yours. May He enfold you in His peace as these moments and days come. Our prayers will be with you.

James and Joy

Anonymous said...

sitting with you
talking with the Father.
Betsy

Tara said...

My heart breaks and tears are pouring over your loss...Peace be with you tonight. My prayers are with you.

Anonymous said...

Your beautiful Ewan has touched my heart. Praying for you and your family.

Melonie said...

My heart breaks for you as I read this. Sending love and prayers for comfort during this time. Melonie, mom to a heart child

Anonymous said...

I am very sorry for your loss.

Our son also passed away from CHD.
He was 26 days old.

We are thinking of you and your family.

http://tristanjameslegacy.blogspot.com/

Christine said...

Grieving with you and for you. So very sorry for your loss. We will pray for you.

Christine

Jen said...

I am at a loss for words. I have been sitting here crying for what seems like forever, trying to form words. Finally I got up, went into Andrew's room and knelt by his bedside as he slept, and just prayed. I prayed for you, precious Ewan, your whole family. I simply cannot believe this happened. I was so certain that this would turn out differently. :( :( I am just heartbroken for you. I am so, so sorry. I don't know what else to say, I just pray that God brings you peace and comfort in the days ahead. I am in shock. I loved that sweet baby right along with you! :( All I can think is that I pray sweet Ewan will be Andrew's guardian angel during his next surgery- since they are heart brothers forever.

Please know I am praying for you and will NEVER forget sweet Ewan. He has forever left an imprint on my heart.

Love and prayers,
Jen, Craig & Andrew

Devin said...

My heart aches for you tonight...you are right. There are no words. I am just so, so terribly sorry for your loss. I will be fervently praying for you throughout the coming days and months.

Angela said...

I was listening to the radio this afternoon and heard Natalie Grant's song "Held" and it made me check your blog. My heart broke when I saw the news. You are right, no words make it better. I am sorry for your loss. And I thank you, from the bottom of my heart for sharing your story. I often take care of babies with broken hearts, and I have befriended their families. They have made a difference to me, as you are making to so many people. May God wrap His arms around you and grant you His peace. May you know that you are held.
angie

Angel L said...

Kirsten, as I sit here wheeping, my heart aches for you and little Ewan! I am soooo very sorry for your loss! We prayed hard for him several times through out the day...he's made such an impact on all our lives. This hurt feels unbearing and I know exactly how you feel, I find peace in knowing that my little angel, Austin, is no longer in pain. I like to think he's up there having a ball and now he's got a little playmate...I'm here if you ever want to talk, cry, anything...We love you!!!

Anonymous said...

I have followed your blog about Ewan since I was told about it by one of my little heart patients' mother.
I am so sorry to hear that Ewan simply couldn't fight any longer.

Please know thatyou, your husband, and of course, Ewan, are in my thoughts and prayers. You are not alone.

Chris C. said...

Godspeed, Ewan. We never met (a friend referred me to your fight a week or so ago), and I suspect no one in your family even knows me; I can't begin to imagine what they're feeling now, but I am moved beyond words by the strength of their faith. I, too, know you're at peace today, and I know we'll meet someday. My wife and I had a baby girl a week ago; you'd have been her age. Maybe you'll see fit to keep an eye on her and remind her, in difficult times, that God's always there. God bless you, your family, and all your friends, for all of whom I will continue to pray. I'll be thinking of you, little man.

Anonymous said...

God doesn't give you the people you want. He gives you the people you NEED-To help you, hurt you, to leave you, to love you, and to make you into the person you were meant to be.

Anonymous said...

We've never met but your strength and faith amaze me. My heart is breaking for your family. I will pray that the Lord comforts you and renews your hope in Him. Ewan is back in the arms of his holy father.

Amy and Aaron said...

Tears and prayers. He did touch a lot of people, and will continue to do so through his story. Thank you for sharing your little boy with us. What an advocate you have in heaven now.

deb said...

kirsten,
I linked back here in my post tonight, I hope that's okay.
love you.

felmleyfam said...

just listening to this song, praying for you in your first night away from your 'hospital home', and now at home without your precious son. oh, praise the Lord for the depth of comfort that only God can provide to a mother who is missing her child (and a father who is feeling the pain and sadness as well).
maybe you know the song; it's called Cry out to Jesus by Third day.

Denise said...

"because Your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you i will praise you as long as i live"psalm 63:3-4
celebrating with you that your son lives fully in God's "love better than life."
Mourning with you your great loss, and praying that God will magnify his mercy on you both, amaze you with his "grace upon grace", lavish his love on you, draw you near to him and to his heart, speak truth to you, share with you his mysteries, fix your eyes on glory, and lead you in hope, all in Christ Jesus.

Jamie said...

I am in tears right now. I am so sorry for your loss. Little Ewan is dancing in Heaven right now, with a heart that couldn't be more perfect. Your family will be in my prayers.

Colleen said...

You do not know me. I started following your blog through a mutual Facebook friend (Julie Watson Wanis). It caught my eye because I too lost a baby earlier this year. She lived 57 minutes before going to be with our Lord Jesus. I wanted to share with you something someone said to us after our daughter died. I have quoted it, but it is not a famous person. It is a cousin of ours. She very eloquently said, "It is good to get to the end of a journey and find our ever-present God there. And to find a new deeper meaning in the concept of rejocing in everything. It's strange how you can be so grateful and so devastated at the same time."
-Karen Hartman.

I have been praying for you and will continue. That is really the best thing anyone can do. I am so very sorry.

-Colleen Swick

Jenifire said...

We have never met, but you and your family have been in my prayers and will stay there. No words can take away grief, but know that you have my prayers for peace on your heart that you may sleep tonight knowing that your Lord loves you and your precious boy is now looking down on you and smiling.

Olga said...

Mother Kirsten!
I feel so much peace as I cry. I thank you and I love you and your family!

Amira said...

Hello,

As you mentioned, there are no word that can embody how one truly feels and experiences meeting such a beautiful, courageous little boy, and getting to spend such little time with him. Nonetheless I would like to pass along my prayers, thoughts, and heart out to you and your family.

Thank you for sharing your story and letting us be touched by Ewan and his short, yet powerful time here.

ladyfi said...

We don't know each other, but I just want to say how sorry I am to hear of your loss. Your strength and courage are shining beacons to those in need.

Anonymous said...

First time reader tonight. I am so so very sorry for your loss. I am weeping for you and will keep your story close to my heart and in my prayers. Your strength is amazing, thank you for sharing your story. I hope you find peace and comfort in the hours, days and years ahead. Much love,

Kerri

Lucia said...

I am so sorry. Your journey touches me. x

Summer said...

prayers are with you and your family! Your story touches me....
Summer

Anonymous said...

dear Mama Ewan

I am so sincerely sorry for your loss. Ewan has occupied my heart for weeks and will continue to do so. Here in Kenya you would forever be known as Mama Ewan, clearly a title that you wear with great pride and love. Wishing you strength and much peace.

Christa

Erika said...

Cried yesterday when I heard and I'm crying right now writing this comment. Your story has touched my heart and I wanted to say thiank you for bravely sharing Ewan's beautiful story with us. I had a baby sister pass away from similar problems and I have a taste of what that level of grief is like. My heart goes out to you and your family in this time. Ewan's little life has made a big impact on so many of us and he will not be forgotten.

Gina said...

You will be on my heart all day, and for days after, I am sure. Please know that I am praying for you, and for Ewan, and for families going through similar situations. I pray that you find peace.

Anonymous said...

Sitting in silence for you and your family <3

Perfectly Imperfect said...

I have been reading and following Ewan's story for a while now. You have been in my families thoughts and prayers. Our heart breaks for y'all....

We will continue to keep you in our prayers..

Lisette said...

I am new to your blog, I am so sorry. Being a loss mom myself the journey ahead isn't easy but you will never walk alone.

Praying for you ((HUGS)).

Tim said...

We are praying for both halves of your heart and the family around you.

susan baum said...

i'm so sorry for your loss.

Anonymous said...

I lost my daughter on September 19, 2003. I can understand the intense pain that you are feeling right now. He was a beautiful little boy, and I'm so glad that you were blessed to love him, and to hold his memory in your hearts. I know that there is nothing to say that will help right now. I will sit here sharing a moment of prayer with you. I am thinking of you, Ewan, and of my own child. My heart goes out to you. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

Molly Gustafson said...

Praying for you and crying with you.

Lauren said...

Kirsten and James, know that you are fervently prayed for and deeply loved, and that in his very brief time on earth, Ewan touched and changed so many of us.

Jaimey said...

I am so sorry for the sad loss of your sweet baby boy. I lost my Angel almost 2 years ago (10-9-08) and not a day goes by that my life isn't forever changed. There are no words you are right, but know that you are not alone. Hugs.

Samantha said...

Sweet Ewan, you are blessed to have such a wonderful mom and dad who loved you so well in your short little life. One beautiful day you will be reunited in the arms of our Saviour.

jen said...

prayers for you and your sweet little angel.

Swirly said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Leah Agnew said...

Kirsten and James as I sit at my computer and read your story and about your sweet Ewan I ball my eyes out!! I am so sorry for your loss, though I have not actually been in your situation it breaks my heart to pieces!! I pray that God will continue to give you the strength that you need to make it another day. You have to take it one day at a time. Yall will continue to be in my prayers! Leah Agnew Louisville, MS

Stefanie said...

I have no words.
You're in our prayers.

Lindsay Blogs said...

...sitting...

I'm so very sorry.

~semi-crunchy mama~ said...

I am so, so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family.

Jacqui Dodds said...

Deeply sorry, words and tears fail me Thinking of you and your family.

Saeth said...

I can't stop crying. I only started reading this blog this morning because I followed a link on Twitter. I wish I had known sooner, so I could also have sent energy for you and that gorgeous little boy.

He is safe and warm now.

My beliefs are different to yours, but I do believe that.

You are amazingly strong, you and James, and Ewan, to have gone through this. And I'm so so sorry that it ended this way.

I'm thinking of you, I'm holding you in my heart. Even though you don't know me and I live so very far away. I am walking with you.

David Rupert said...

Prayers for your sad journey...

Cheryl Smith said...

Sitting silently. In tears. Praying for Presence.

Real Live Preacher said...

Prayers from another person in the High Calling community.

Ann Voskamp @Holy Experience said...

I sit with you in the silence, the broken heart of Ewan healing ours...

God cups our tears...

All's grace,
Ann Voskamp

Deidra said...

My prayers...
my tears...
my sighing heart...
offered into the silence.

With yours...

Jennifer @ Getting Down With Jesus said...

I type words, then delete. Then retype and delete.

And I try again.

But none of the right words come out here in this little comment box.

So I just come alongside you here in your ache, and I join in the chorus of hundreds (thousands perhaps??), who pray with you, for you.

Anonymous said...

Hi Kristen I heard of your story from a dear friend of yours Cynthia Carr and have been praying for you guys so much. I just want you to know that you are a very strong, wonderful and blessed woman. I have read ur blogs and I'm totally amazed at you. My precious daughter Mylliah went to be an angle one year to the date that Ewan was born, so I've always though of that day as the worst day of my life BUT to know that this precious, beautiful bay boy was born on this day puts such a smile on my face. My daughter was dx with a fatal lung and heart disease tha we were told was in the same category as having cancer, she was dx in dec 08, and we lost her in sept 09, awaiting a lung transplant which we never recieved, Mylliah was 7yrs old. So only being a yr, I'm still pretty fresh, all I know is you have been so strong thru this all and I know u don't think so but by reading ur blogs I have soooo much respect for you. I know that u feel alone but ur not and as I hear ur heart will start to fill in that hole that you have, I definetly know about the hole in heart, just know that my family is praying for you and stay strong because GOD will get you and ur family thru this and long as you guys continue to believe. The Royals family. ~ Mellani

Megan said...

Kristen, I too just lost a baby. She was born with an unexpected Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH). She lived for eight magical days before my husband and I, just as you did here in this post... had to say goodbye to something we just weren't ready to give back. My heart breaks for you, because I KNOW just what you are feeling, with my sweet Savannah passing only a little over a month ago. If you ever need someone to talk with, please don't hesitate!
All my love and prayers,
Megan@ A story unfolding