It feels like we don't really have any (breathing room, that is). We don't have the luxury of a lot of time, or of waiting until we feel rested and rejuvenated and before we make any big decisions. We do have a lot though: we are well-loved and supported, and we both know we are empowered and graced to make the best decisions for our family even in a time as impossible-feeling as this.
I'm simply astounded by all the messages of love and support we've been getting. I'm getting e-mails from all over the country and the world -- from people who are local and people who live across oceans. From people who have added our family to the prayer chains at their churches and organized prayer groups focused on prayer for our family on a daily basis. I see these messages and I comprehend them, but I just can't take it all in right now -- it can't quite sink in. I'm astounded and humbled at how many people love this child, who are pulling for him, and want the best for him. One day, I know it will hit me. And it will be too much in a good way.
I wish I could get back to you all. In the absence of my ability to do that, please know that I read every single e-mail and every single comment. They are getting to me, to us. I want you to know how much we cherish that, even if we aren't able to express that to you directly.
As we reach a critical point in our decision making for Ewan's care, we will be pulling away a bit from regular updates and social media in general. We will still be receiving messages if you want to send them, but for now our energy needs to be focused on the needs of our little boy. We just need that little bit of extra room to breathe.
I was so thankful that our priest could come tonight -- to talk with us, to pray with us, and to anoint Ewan. There was something very comforting and heartachingly beautiful about the whole thing. I've always known Ewan belonged to God first and that even in the best of circumstances, the children we bear are never really ours to begin with. What I saw and experienced tonight reminded me of that in a very poignant way that both pierced my heart and comforted it.
It reminded me of this: that even if the number of Ewan's earthly days is shorter than we would like it to be, that's not the end of the story. Not even close.