02 October 2010

Room to Breathe

It feels like we don't really have any (breathing room, that is). We don't have the luxury of a lot of time, or of waiting until we feel rested and rejuvenated and before we make any big decisions. We do have a lot though: we are well-loved and supported, and we both know we are empowered and graced to make the best decisions for our family even in a time as impossible-feeling as this.

I'm simply astounded by all the messages of love and support we've been getting. I'm getting e-mails from all over the country and the world -- from people who are local and people who live across oceans. From people who have added our family to the prayer chains at their churches and organized prayer groups focused on prayer for our family on a daily basis. I see these messages and I comprehend them, but I just can't take it all in right now -- it can't quite sink in. I'm astounded and humbled at how many people love this child, who are pulling for him, and want the best for him. One day, I know it will hit me. And it will be too much in a good way.

I wish I could get back to you all. In the absence of my ability to do that, please know that I read every single e-mail and every single comment. They are getting to me, to us. I want you to know how much we cherish that, even if we aren't able to express that to you directly.

As we reach a critical point in our decision making for Ewan's care, we will be pulling away a bit from regular updates and social media in general. We will still be receiving messages if you want to send them, but for now our energy needs to be focused on the needs of our little boy. We just need that little bit of extra room to breathe.

I was so thankful that our priest could come tonight -- to talk with us, to pray with us, and to anoint Ewan. There was something very comforting and heartachingly beautiful about the whole thing. I've always known Ewan belonged to God first and that even in the best of circumstances, the children we bear are never really ours to begin with. What I saw and experienced tonight reminded me of that in a very poignant way that both pierced my heart and comforted it.

It reminded me of this: that even if the number of Ewan's earthly days is shorter than we would like it to be, that's not the end of the story. Not even close.


Danielle said...

Kirsten, my heart broke for you, your family and Ewan this morning when I read your post. Please know that you are being surrounded and lifted up in prayer for a miracle for your sweet little one. I can't imagine what you are going through or the decisions that are upon you, but from one heart mom to another, I do know the love you have for Ewan. Sending love and steadfast prayers your way.

Marz said...

There aren't enough words to express the love pouring out to you and your family from mine, our hearts are full and heavy with it and the prayers we're sending to your precious little boy. Peace be with you, my friend, as you continue to navigate these turbulent waters.

terri said...

take all the time you need dear one. we're here regardless. much love...

Shay said...

know that you are in my prayers...take all the time you need. your words are filled with love and heartache...Ewan is God's and He has Ewan in His loving care. praying for peace and comfort for you and James. love you and am praying for you all the time!

Kari Greene said...

We are praying for your family every day in Ottumwa, Iowa.

The Great Mooski said...

As I sit here, in tears, my heart is breaking for you yet smiling because what a sweet, sweet time you had tonight...

Ewan, there are so many behind you, brave boy! We are praying for rest and healing for you- selfishly, I'm praying that God chooses to keep you here on this earth because I know you're going to do great things. He is lots smarter than I am, though, and He loves you so much more than anyone on earth ever could. You have a wonderful mommy and daddy and I know you are very proud to be their son. We are praying for you, sweet little man!!

cici said...

If it takes a miracle then a miracle it is. I have witnessed many.
God Bless you all.

Anonymous said...

Praying still. This is not for now but as you write about your journey you mentioned that our children our never ours to begin with I was struck by that truth reflecting upon the anniversary of our firstborn's life and entrance into heaven. Praying for you in these moments....


The Hands said...

Jesus, please give this family peaceful rest, understanding in the decisions that they need to make and knowledge that You will carry them through. Amen.

We are continuing to pray for the Lord to be glorified through little Ewan and your lives. We have seen a lot of Jesus working through your lives through this rough situation. Take your time and do what you need to do, but we will be waiting to hear about the outcome.

Anonymous said...

Kirsten, I won't ever give up praying for a miracle for your family. I have seen miracles happen and believe.

Shannon Egan

becca said...

I pray that the Holy Ghost, our Comforter, comfort you in this time; that the Lord Jesus, our Great Physician, the Almighty Creator, reach down and touch Ewan's little heart and make it whole; that God the Father, ruler of all, rule over this situation and bring all things to good for His glory.

The Luke Family said...

Baby Ewan-your life has touched many. Many you will never meet face to face on this Earth. One day we will all meet and be able to celebrate your life. We continue to lift you and your family up in prayer.
I'm sorry I don't know the author of this poem, but I know the wisdom you have is greater than what we can only imagine at this time. Much love!

What Would You Tell Us?

What would you tell us,

If Ewan, you knew how 

To speak adult phrases

And talk to us now?

Would you speak of such glories 

We can’t see are there 

Like fiery messengers

Sent for our care?

Would you tell us of comfort 

And Jesus’ touch
And how you are certain

He loves us so much?

Would you tell us,
“Don’t worry,
God IS in command,

And whatever happens

It’s all in His hand?"

So Ewan, we entrust you

To God’s perfect plan

He loves you much more

Than we even can!

Anonymous said...

I don't Pray as much as I should, but I am praying for little Ewan. He is beautiful and so lucky to be loved by you. I pray that you will find comfort and peace in these tough times ahead.

A friend in New York,

Wodzisz Family said...

I am lifting Ewan and your whole family in prayer. Miracles abound...especially for our little heart babies. Keep praying and keeping the faith. Breathe and focus on your family.

Stefenie said...

Not a moment goes by in a day that I don't think of you and Ewan. My heart breaks for the struggles you have had to endure and the big decisions ahead of you.

No need to worry about any of us. We fully understand your need to devote more time to your precious boy. We will remian right here, covering you all in prayer.


Teresa said...

Prayers your way for little Ewan and your family..

liz houser photography said...

i can't help but cry every time i think of that sweet baby boy and what you guys are going thru. may god truly bless you and protect your hearts thru this trying time. much love and prayer from us!

Anonymous said...

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

Unknown said...


this just slays me .

you are so loved. and prayed for .

annamarie said...

Peace and prayers for your family...you are in our thoughts daily. Strength, Annamarie (Eve's heart mom from Facebook.com/1in100)

christianne said...

Always, always you are in our hearts and prayers.

I'm thankful the priest could come and anoint Ewan. I'm thankful it provided a measure of peace to you. I'm thankful that you are taking the space you need to focus on what is most important before you: Ewan and his life.

Dear Jesus, anoint Kirsten and James with wisdom and with peace. Keep Ewan in your care. We are not afraid to ask for a miracle, and so we ask for your healing touch upon his body and his heart. We love you. Amen.

Anonymous said...

Haven't said the rosary for quite a few months but I am saying it now for our precious son and you his parents. Praying for strength for your family.

Jess said...

Our prayers are with you and for a miracle for Ewan! He's God's child and he is loved by his Heavenly Father more than even you can love him! Knowing how much you love him, imagine how much greater God's love is!

Anonymous said...

This is so well written, yet again. Thank you for sharing. Your clarity in this difficult time is amazing as these are not just writings, but your life experience now. Though it's been quiet today, prayers are still never ending. Please please know that. More hugs, more prayers. Sarah V.

Gina said...

"The children we bear are never really ours to begin with." You are so right. I admire your strength and pray for peace for you and your beautiful family.