01 November 2010

What They Said

This is one of those times where I have few words of my own to offer and instead defer to two people who have, in very different ways, "been there and done that." This is when I say: what they said.

"That night I looked up the original Hebrew for the word trial in one of my big fancy books (OK, one of Todd's fancy books). I hope that as you read these words, you will know the way he quieted me in that moment.
TRIAL (Old Testament) noun: from the Hebrew word sara which comes from the root srh, which means, "to bind, tie up, restrict." Thus, the noun comes to denote a narrow place in life where one is bound or restricted ...
I carried this image with me for days, saturating myself in the truth that I discovered about what it means to be walking where I was. I thought of sweet Audrey, unable to grow, restricted, as bound and helpless as Isaac. As we walked this "narrow place," I was reminded of the power of being still and submitting to the God I trusted more than I ever thought I could. During these days I walked moment by moment with the God of the universe."

Angie Smith, I Will Carry You (pp 46-47)
Angie blogs at Bring the Rain

"Do I hope that if feeling disguises itself as thought I shall feel less? Aren't all these notes the senseless writhings of a man who won't accept the fact that there is nothing to do with suffering except to suffer it? Who still thinks there is some device (if only he could find it) which will make pain not to be pain. It doesn't really matter whether you grip the arms of the dentist's chair or let your hands lie in your lap. The drill drills on."

C. S. Lewis, A Grief Observed


christianne said...

Aren't all these notes the senseless writhings of a man who won't accept the fact that there is nothing to do with suffering except to suffer it? Who still thinks there is some device (if only he could find it) which will make pain not to be pain.

This is the hardest part about pain for me: that nothing can be said or done to take it away. Several people close to me right now are walking through pains like this (one of whom is you, of course, dear friend), and it has brought me face to face with my utter helplessness, my utter humanity and not-God-ness.

There is wisdom here: pain is pain and must be suffered through. There's nothing else that can be done about it, except to be with someone in that pain, to let them know you care and are by their side, to cry with them and rail with them and laugh with them and talk with them in whatever way, shape, or form they need.

PS: One more day! :)

Anonymous said...

Thank you.

You and I met through Ewan and your blog. While this, your trial, is more than I could bear, my trial is a difficult one.

I find that what and how you go through here is helping me focus correctly on my issues. I thank you for that.

"Aren't all these notes the senseless writhings of a man.." I don't know if they are senseless, because God turns all things to the good of those who are called according to His purpose, but these are the writhings of growth and pain, for sure.

You will remain in my prayers for eternity sweet Kirsten, as will Ewan. I am blessed and honored to be here.

not2brightGRAM said...

I recall the response I once made to someone who tried to pat me on the back, and minimize the suffering I was experiencing. They said God does call us to suffer, but that I should try to put on a happy face, and have a good attitude.

I said, "It wouldn't be called 'suffering' if you didn't SUFFER."

There is no other way OUT than THROUGH. I'm so sorry Kirsten.

(3rd time's the charm)

Sarah said...

I can't find my words, not to make it better as I know they can't do that, but to say what my heart wants to say to you. I love you. I'm sorry. This place you're walking is a hard, hard place, and yet these quotes hearten me for you. You're just where you should be, given all that's happened. Your hearts are where they should be. One day, they'll be somewhere else. But for now, you're drinking the cup you've been given . . . like Jesus did.

Jen said...

I'm so glad you have Angie's book. I wanted to send it to you but didn't have your address and didn't want to burden you with asking for it.

I clung to A Grief Observed through all of my losses.

The combination of the two really helped me on my grief journey--I pray they help and bless you, too.

terri said...

Isn't it a relief to find words that capture what is in your heart? Kindred spirits are so welcome.

I've been thinking a lot about you. Wondering about laundry and shopping and laughing and crying and the out-of-jointness of life-after-Ewan. *sigh*

Love you.

Shannon said...

I'm so glad you read Angie's blog. Your writing reminds me a lot of hers. Both beautiful!

I won't even try to make it better, I know there are no words...just praying for you! Hoping that someday soon there are more smiles than tears.

Gina said...

Wow. This post, like all of your posts, is beautiful...but it's thought-provoking in such a different way.