When I was pregnant with Ewan, time seemed to inch by at a snail's pace, especially the first half of the pregnancy. This time around feels like I'm racing by comparison -- like I'm going to blink and then all of the sudden, have a baby here. I mean, I feel like I just announced I was pregnant, and now I'm racing toward the halfway mark?! Watch out, I'll blink again and have a fifth grader!
James and I can both feel the baby move a lot, especially when I'm lying down. I love that he can feel it this early on since I think I might have been somewhere between 22-24 weeks with Ewan before he was able to feel anything. We feel little jabs, punches, and kicks all over the place. It's gone from that goldfish-bumping-around-in-a-plastic-bag feeling to more solid and deliberate, like ... hmm ... a little person bumping around in a plastic bag (how's that for a description??), which sounds cruel but since the little person is supposed to be there and it's not actually a plastic bag ... well, you get it.
I've gotten a lot more done in the nursery this week. I didn't think it was possible, but I do believe I'm liking the setup we have here better than the one we had when we lived in Seattle. It's probably because in our apartment in Seattle, we had two bedrooms, meaning: the nursery/office space was combined. Since we have an extra bedroom here, we can keep them separate and have the rooms each dedicated to their specific purpose. It's still not totally done in there, but I couldn't wait to share a preview.
In other news, I can hardly wait until I can share with you a video project my dear friend Christianne has been working on in which I had the privilege of participating. I don't want to give away too much too soon, but it involves me being on camera talking about grief and loss. Many, many others are sharing stories relating to a variety of experiences close to their hearts. I've seen some rough cuts of just my piece and am incredibly anxious to see the final product. I can't wait to share it with you when it's ready to go public. It's going to be amazing!
I've really been missing Washington this week -- my home, my friends, and things that are familiar. This past weekend at church, there was a baby girl who was baptized. The baptisms get me every single time. While we had our own special moment with Ewan in the hospital, that was one thing I always looked forward to when I had a baby -- that moment when the church community gathers around and welcomes the newest member of Christ's body. Later on in that service, we sang a song that we sang frequently in our church in Issaquah. Singing it took me back, reminded me how I missed that community, and how I missed the musician who would lead us into that song so beautifully (the same one who did the music for Ewan's funeral as well). This precipitated missing a whole lot of other things and before I knew it, I had tears coming that I could not stop. I know it will happen, but it will just take awhile before this feels anything like home for me. In my mind, home is still 3,110 miles away.
Other than that, I'm slowly getting the hang of being whatever it is I am now: a stay-at-home wife and mom who kicks butt at the gym, does some prenatal yoga, grocery shops, makes homemade granola, does a lot of laundry, cooks and cleans up after ... you know, what a lot of women's lives look like! There are days where the transition from full time work to this is still difficult and I wish that when James asked me what my day was like, that I had something more interesting to tell him besides, Would you look at how our bathroom counters just sparkle?! I realize I do more than that, of course -- but like I said, it's just this whole crazy transition. Patience, Kirsten ... patience.
Speaking of which, I could use some prenatal yoga. And a nap. See you next week!