Today marks the first day that she has been alive out of the womb longer than Ewan.
|Ewan @ 16 days old|
The previous 16 days have been so entirely different from any of those that we had with Ewan that it seems impossible to compare.
Ewan was never home, and Austen was born there. When Ewan was born, we didn't know if he would make it; with Austen, we had no such concern. With Ewan, we faced life and death decisions on almost a daily basis; with Austen, our day-to-day decisions are more mundane and run-of-the-mill. (As in, which outfit should she wear?) Though I pumped and I pumped in the hospital, Ewan never got his mama's milk; with Austen, breastfeeding continues to be our biggest challenge.
|Austen @ 16 days old|
It's all so very different.
But this day? This day is something entirely new.
Poignant. Hopeful. New. Sad. Happy.
I see so much of her brother in her, her life reminding me at every moment that though he died, he is with us still -- and that her life and our love for her is one of Ewan's many gifts to us.