I can't believe how close we are to meeting this little guy: 53 days until I'm 40 weeks ... but if I'm any judge of his personality, he will be the one to determine the time of his arrival -- not some little baby calendar!!
|mama bear (self-portrait) by kirsten michelle (12 august 2010)|
So much of our anticipation of meeting him, at least since that first ultrasound, has been related to the heart defect: how that will affect him and our lives. We've still been enjoying all the of the normal expecting-our-first-baby stuff that you would expect, but since the initial diagnosis, we've also had to deal with the inescapable reality that (barring a miracle, of course) Ewan's first few weeks will be challenged. Our joy has shone brightly, but through a dark veil of congenital heart defects.
But this weekend, I get to focus on happy things. I intend to take a break from thinking about Tetralogy of Fallot for an afternoon, how it has and will continue to shape our lives, just so I can let people shower us with love and much-needed baby swag. I'm going back to my hometown of Bellingham for my first official baby shower (I did get a surprise one at work yesterday, so I guess this will actually be the second -- but the first one I knew about in advance), and I'm really looking forward to it. Many of the people attending have known me since I was a child!!
No doubt we will talk about Ewan's heart. I don't intend to ignore it, but I hope we spend at least just as much time adoring the belly, feeling for kicks and squirms, and gushing over teeny-tiny adorable baby boy clothing.
I know it will be so good for me to be immersed in the joy of welcoming and preparing for this child -- to remember that in spite of the tough road we know we can anticipate -- that a new life is something to celebrate and rejoice over, whether or not he comes to us with a body is ready to equip him for living and thriving. I'm hoping this weekend will continue to impress upon me the reality of the gift that he is to us just as he is. I hope it reminds me that every tear we cry, every moment we spend waiting in the NICU, and every minute we feel like we're falling apart is worth it.
Ewan is absolutely worth it.