|Holding Ewan for the first time since his birth :: Sept 19|
All in all, it is still the case that Ewan is doing well for a baby with as severe a case of Tetralogy of Fallot as he has. His doctors and nurses both say he's got a strong will (wonder where he gets that from?) and is pretty fierce. None of this is surprising to me, of course. :o)
|You don't need to be a mama to get this :: Sept 19|
When he first arrived in the NICU where we delivered, he was breathing well on his own and overall, had excellent stats and color. They put him on the prostaglandin (PGE) to keep the PDA open. The PDA is the vessel that is normally open in utero in all babies, but closes a few days after birth. This caused him to stop breathing a few times and so prior to his transfer, they had to intubate him (as hard as it is to see, we appreciate this since not breathing is obviously not something we want to mess with). The cardiology team at Children's learned through a series of scans that the PDA wasn't making a significant contribution to the overall bloodflow and oxygenation, and so they made the determination to wean him off the PGE (this happened yesterday at about 11 am). They attempted an extubation shortly after, but he experienced some significant pauses in breathing again, so they will attempt it again today to see how he handles it. He is already initiating most of his own breaths, so this is encouraging.
|Fingers!! :: Sept 20|
In other news, he also got a blood transfusion to keep his red blood cells up (we like those oxygen-carrying red blood cells!!) and he got his first feeding, which we were there to see. So awesome! I've been pumping every three hours (with a lapse or two for sleep) since the day he was born, and it was just so awesome to see that even though he's not inside me anymore, I can do my part to nurture and protect him.
|First feeding :: Sept 20|
I always knew it would be hard to leave him there: to see him hooked up to the tubes and wires, to need help and permission to be able to hold him. Even though I know this sweet boy came from me, even though I was so very present for his arrival, I look at him and have a hard time believing he is ours. I look at him and can hardly believe that God entrusted him to us as his parents: this sweet, eternal soul. The feeling of being this child's mother was already so overwhelming to me when I was pregnant (in a good way, as in: I've been honored with this child), and is a thousand fold more so now.
I know days are coming when we have big decisions ahead, and it's no wonder that we're tired. I haven't gotten any significant stretches of sleep since giving birth and of course, there's the emotional side to all of this. So I'm going to go back to bed for a few more winks, and then go and see my baby.
|All snuggled up :: Sept 20|
|Tired mama :: Sept 20|