I not only believe, but know that your prayers sustained us last night. I have never been so completely at peace. As odd as it sounds, as much as it doesn't make sense for it to be that way, I was at peace with whatever the outcome. If we had to say goodbye to Ewan. If we got to hang on to him for a little bit longer. We've known from the start that he was really never ours to begin with. We already knew we had absolutely no control over this situation, or its outcome.
And yet I remained completely at peace. I love my son with an impossible love, but I had in my heart something I've never experienced to quite this level before: the peace that passes understanding. And it did pass all understanding. It is real. I received precisely the grace I needed for that long night as we were walking through the Valley of the Shadow of Death.
We witnessed a real, honest-to-God miracle last night. You should have seen the primary surgeon's face as he spoke with us. The word "miracle" was not used, but he was positively giddy. Even with the long road we had ahead of us, about twelve hours ago no one (and I mean not one) had the hope of us getting to this point.
It's as if God brought us to the point of complete and utter surrender, leaning fully into our faith, and stayed the hand of death at the last minute. No one knows how this will turn out. There are absolutely no guarantees as to the outcome. But for now, death did not have the victory. We are here. Ewan is stable and very boring right now -- all things considered, we're not only hanging on -- things are looking good.
Taking it hour by hour, minute by minute.
Thanks be to God! And please continue to pray.
48 comments:
praying and crying over you today. thank you, thank you for updating.
Tears of anguish in prayer last night. Tears of joy and thanksgiving in prayer today.
(And, when my sister-in-law saw me today, the first thing she asked was, "Do you have allergies? Your eyes are all puffy!" )
This warms my soul. We are with you in this journey and as a new mother myself, I feel pain for you. I have shared your story and will continue to do so in hopes that the more people that know, the more people pray and the more healing will happen. Love to you all.
this broke my heart in the best possible way. thank you for so generously inviting us into this with you. love to you dear.
Love you.
Continuing to pray.
Argh! Blogger keeps deleting my comments!
So much love and so many prayers for you, last night, today, and always.
I could tell reading your words last night that there was a point where you were willing to release Ewan to Jesus, if that's what happened. I don't know how I knew, but I could praise God for that, for being there for you like that at such a time as this, even as we all prayed for the miracle that came with the morning.
And I thought at one point early this morning that anyone doubting the power of online community need only check your FB page to see that God's people are God's people, and he can bring them together any way he chooses, in power and to his glory.
Love to you today.
I have goosebumps reading this....please know I will not stop praying. For Ewan. For you. For the knowledge of the doctors working to keep your son health and thriving! May God continue to bless you...
Wow-what a powerful post! What an amazing God we serve. Thank you for sharing your story and we will continue to pray for Ewan.
This morning I told my 3-year-old daughter that we needed to pray for Baby Ewan today, that his heart was really, really sick (we have been praying every night for the past several weeks). I started crying during the prayer. Erin looked at me and said, "Mommy, do you love them?" I paused for a bit and said, "Yes, honey. Yes, I do." Erin then started crying also. It left me speechless.
So thankful Ewan made it through the night! Best wishes and prayers,
Chris and Neepa
Keep fighting sweet baby Ewan!! Thank you for the update! Thinking of you all!
Melissa
Thanking God with you, and continuing to pray.
nothing better than a boring baby.
So glad to read this post and 'hear' the peace in your 'voice' as well as to hear the positive outcome from the long night that is now behind you all.
xo
Oh my goodness, I have goosebumps all over my arms, neck, and back reading this, and tears are filling my eyes.
Like Sarah, I could tell there was a point last night where you surrendered completely to God's will be done. I am in awe of your Abraham-like faith, my friend. And of your deep love.
I'm super-giddy like the doctor because I specifically prayed for a peace that passes understanding from the beginning of the journey last night. God is so good!
I love you, my friend.
xoxo,
Christianne
I am so cheered to read this post! I have not commented before, but have read your blog off and on for awhile. I'm an adult with a CHD.
Our family prayed for you as soon as I saw the news from Kristine last night. Miracles do happen, and I'm grateful that the prayers helped pull Ewan through last night. He is working a miracle right now, as are you, in the education you are doing for so many people, both on CHDs and faith.
Praising God in this storm that you find yourself in. I am so glad that through the many prayers of the mighty people following your story that God has answered your prayers. I'm so thankful that you have found some peace in what must have felt like chaos last night.
Miracles happen and you just witnessed one. Ewan made it through the night and he is determined to prove those docs wrong. You got yourself a little fighter and that is a good thing!
Keep the faith. Let your heart be filled with HOPE and love that little boy with all you got. We've got you covered in prayer.
oh,
sending so much love and still praying.
oh, kirsten.
off to light a candle of hope.
Just found your blog and have immediately started praying and will continue to do so until this baby is completely healed. I have a 13wk old son who has was born with aortic stenosis. We head to Children's Hospital next week to repair. Even though it's not as serious as baby Ewan's case and I cannot imagine what you're going through, please know I am praying fervently for this sweet baby. When I saw his sweet little face, those eyes pierced my soul. Beautiful beyond words!!
tears of joy for you this afternoon! praying that you continue to feel the loving arms of Jesus in the days & weeks ahead.
I found your blog through Wendy Kleckley - our daughter had open heart surgery for Coarctation of the Aorta at 6 days old. So many of the words you are writing take me back to those scary, dark days - but also to that peace you spoke of...it's an incredible and Holy thing. Our prayers are with you, and as the mother of a now-three-year-old heart baby, my heart goes out to you. Be strong, Baby Ewan and Mama and Daddy. All our prayers,
Lee, Molly & Annalee Huff
God is good!
There is a candle lit here at the Notre Dame Grotto just for little Ewan.
I can't explain it, but I feel a special love for Ewan. He such a miracle.
Beautiful post Kirsten! Beautiful! Praying for GOD to pour out his blessings for you three! We love you and are praying/thinking of you!
KLaw sent me and I just want to let you know you have a new bloggy friend praying for you and your gorgeous little man.
i am so glad to hear that you guys feel god's peace that is beyond this world's understand... i was praying for that very thing for you guys last night and all day today. i also pray that you will see and remember and hold dear every little blessing the lord has given you, is giving you and will give you. he loves you guys so much, and desires to bless you beyond what you can imagine or ever deserve. god bless you guys!!!
I don't know you, but am praying so fervently for your sweet baby. My son was in the NICU 2 years ago and I now enjoy him daily. God does work miracles and I am continuing to pray for more of them. God bless your family as you walk with the Lord through this. There are many who don't know you who are reaching their hearts out in love and prayer for you.
Praying for you & your sweet little angel! I can't imagine what your going through. I know God will keep his hand over you & your family.
(he is beautiful!)
Bonnie
So thankful things are better today. Your family has been in my thoughts and prayers and will continue to be.
Look at all this love! God is so good. On my knees giving thanks today...
Praise be to God!!!
Dont EVER give up hope. Miracles happen every single moment. Every. Single. Moment. Cling to that, sometimes it is all we have.
Shannon Egan
Just found your blog through a friend. Praying for Ewan! I pray he continues to be boring! I was an ER nurse for a long time and boring is a great thing to be!!!
Kirsten, thank you for being soo honest. I am sooo thankful to hear how God is answering our many prayers. you and James in an AWEsome position to proclaim God to Ewam's doctors and nurses...I will be praying that they will see the peace of God in your lives and wonder what you have...We are lifting you up in prayer.
Dear Sister in Christ,
I don't know you, and you don't know me, but my friend pointed me to your blog. You, your family, and baby Ewan are in my prayers. God bless you!
Jamie
So happy that we got to pray for Ewan today during our own time on the cross in the heart cath lab with a newborn in surgery. May God continue to uplift and sustain all of you!
Wow- what a miracle. I was worried when you hadn't updated that day and I wondered if something had gone wrong- I prayed for you as I fell asleep that night. Thank God Ewan is the little fighter that he is. Still praying lots of prayers!
Jen
Thank you Lord!! Wonderful!
I will continue to pray <3
In my thoughts and prayers girl, all my best.
Kale
Wonderful news. God is full of miracles...believe! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
At bedtime tonight with my kids we prayed for Baby Ewan. As I was tucking them in I told them that they could continue to pray for him in the night or the morning, whenever they thought of it. A moment ago my 5yo got out of bed to ask me "Mommy, what is that baby's name again?" Ewan is in all our hearts, Kirsten.
Right here with you in prayer. We were drawn to your blog a few weeks ago and have been hanging onto your raw, spiritual blog posts ever since. I am just overcome. Overcome. Committed to you in prayer.
Jodi, mom to Leah (TOF)
www.caringbridge/org/visit/leahflannery
Hugs and prayers to you and your precious Ewan. May God be with you..
My prayers for you and Ewan will continue. And will always be here should they ever be needed again. God bless you and your family.
God is a God of miracles!!! rejoicing in all He has done and is doing. praying the miracles continue! I loved reading that you felt the peace the surpasses all understanding...that is awesome!
Your strength is so amazing and encouraging. God is the miracle worker in your situation. Continue to place all your cares at His feet.
You, your family and your sweet, strong little Ewan are in our thoughts and prayers. We pray for strength, healing and comfort for all.
Hannah
I will not stop praying for Baby Ewan or you. My husband has Tetralogy of Fallot.
Also my baby girl has a CHD-- Truncus Arteriosus
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