24 September 2010

The Endless Night

I don't know where to begin. At most, I've slept maybe an hour or two out of the past 48. Those who follow on Facebook or Twitter know that we've had an impossibly long night: from cath lab to emergency surgery that for a time had us wondering if Ewan would see the morning. The long and the short of it is: we were preparing to say goodbye.

We knew an emergency surgery situation is already at a greatly elevated risk. The head surgeon said these are the smallest arteries he's ever seen that he dared to operate on. In other words: Ewan's case is as extreme as it gets.

First shunt didn't work. Second didn't work. If the third didn't work, there was no backup. Lots of bleeding. Low O2 levels. Even the most optimistic doctor saying things aren't looking good. Family called. Chaplain called.

Waiting, waiting, waiting.

We made it through the night, but we've still got a really long, long way to go. Questions remain about the reason for fluid accumulation in the belly, about possible brain damage from the lowered oxygen levels. ECMO -- the scary thing that I dreaded being necessary -- is keeping our son alive right now. Our Ewan continues to fight, but he still needs our help.

Please continue to pray for Ewan, and for all of us. I trust your prayers guided the hands of the surgeons and kept them awake for the long fight they had tonight. I trust your prayers gave me an unimaginable peace and trust in the hand of God in all of this.

Add him to your prayer chains. Pray for him at your Masses. Storm the gates of heaven with your prayers.

We still need to be realistic about this, but I am not a deist! I trust in a God who can move mountains -- the God of the impossible. One of the doctors said at this point, a full recovery would take "a lot of luck." I think we can do better than that. How about a miracle? I'm ready for one if you are.

68 comments:

Jenny Lincoln said...

Praying for Ewan and your family.

Hope's Blog said...

Praying like crazy for Ewan. I have seen miracles and believe in them with my whole heart. Some doctors may call it luck...but we know it is God.

Nadine said...

So ready to find out he got his miracle!! <3

Jesse said...

God can do a miracle. Agreed!

French lover said...

I'm praying for you and Ewan. Stay strong

Sandra Kay said...

Sending my love to you and your family sweet Darling Ewan.
Sandra Kay <3

Buttercup said...

Adding my prayers for a miracle.

Papillon Sky Photography said...

Miracles do happen, Kirsten. Don't give up hope. Those medical statistics don't take into consideration the power of the human spirit!

Praying for you!!

christianne said...

Yes! I am ready for one, too! Praying all day for this little one, continually. Sending much love and prayers your way. I love you!

Tiffany said...

Praying for God to hold Ewan close so he can heal from the power of His love.

Praying for strength for Ewan's Mom and Dad.

With faith & hope,
Tiffany
www.caringbridge.org/visit/coleklein

Tanner and Lindsay Cooper said...

Praying for a miracle!

Melissa Elsner said...

Yes yes yes! God CAN do a miracle!! I'm praying for the same.

Tara said...

Praying and believing in God's miracle for Ewan!

KLaw said...

I am in tears this morning just imagining what you are going through. I hope you don't mind, but I posted a link to this blog from three of my other blogs asking for prayers. Even from strangers, they are powerful. I am thinking of you every moment.

Dan King said...

Kirsten (and family)...
I'm spreading the word with @thehighcalling community on Twitter and Facebook. Please know that many in the network are standing with you right now.

Katie said...

Oh Kirsten- I finally checked your blog and can't believe it. I'm sorry things didn't go like they'd hoped...praying for you and especially Ewan. I will try to call you today, if you don't feel like a visitor, I get that. Just know I'm thinking of you guys. HE is there, call on him. HE is enough.

The Great Mooski said...

Praying for a miracle. Keep fighting, sweet Ewan!

Evelyn said...

Right there with you, Standing and Believing on the Promises of His Own Words, " that it will not turn back void..., where three or more agree..., that anything we shall ask in His Name ..., that He CAN & WILL do exceedingly and abundabtly more than we can even think or imagine... ALL For HIS Glory, In Christ Jesus holy name!!!

Sarah said...

Amen, friend, amen. May you all rest today and may the miracle commence.

Pamelamama said...

Hoping for your miracle, and sending strength to deal with the days ahead. Just another mama feeling your pain and holding your family in my heart.

The Sexton 3 said...

When our baby was battling HLHS.. Luke 1:37 was his namesake and theme verse... "Nothing is impossible with God."

I read your twitter last night and prayed and prayed. I know too well about small arteries (ours were small pulmonary veins)... and ECMO (Luke was on it 2 hours after birth and the remaining 12 days he was in the hospital). I remember doctor after doctor coming in with less than hopeful news. It is a pain that I would never wish on anyone.. and a pain that breaks my heart to see you go through, even though I don't even know you.

Our God is not one who is far away. He promises us in his word that He is CLOSE to the BROKENHEARTED and that He binds up their wounds. Today, I pray for your son, as I prayed for my own... knowing, believing with everything I have that God will orchestrate a miracle in his life.

Sorrow may last for the night but joy comes in the morning... Good morning Ewan!

The Sexton 3
www.lukesexton.blogspot.com

Melissa said...

Kirsten,
My heart is breaking for you as I read your post, but miracles do happen! And these heart babies are some of the strongest little people you will ever meet! Fight Ewan you can do it buddy!! Stay strong you guys! Praying for you all!
Melissa

Sarah Marie said...

Praying, praying, praying for the miracle that is Ewan Eliezer. And for you and James, of course.

Tasha said...

May God bless you all. Prayers for steady hands, healing, strength and peace.

Summer said...

Hi,
I found your blog and your story through my friend Kristen! I want to say that I am sending extra prayers up for baby Ewan and your family! I believe strongly in the power of pryer and GOD can make miracles happen and I do believe he will! I can't even began to fathom how hard this is on you

Summer

Carolina Carters said...

Praying, praying, praying!! Believing in a miracle!

Stefenie said...

Kirsten,
I am so sorry that his trip to the cath lab ended with the need for emergency surgery. I am sure it was a very scary and emotional time for all of you.

I have seen kids on echmo barely hanging on that have pulled through and made a miraculous recovery. I want you to still cling to that HOPE that Ewan has a chance.

I put in an urgent prayer request on my blog and facebook....getting all of those beloved prayer warriors to work!

Thinking of you and continuing in my prayers for a miracle for precious Ewan!!

jen said...

prayers lifted up to Ewan. to you. to your family. all the medical professionals.

keelstar said...

Oh Kirsten! I've been up many times during the night, praying for a miracle for your sweet baby Ewan! May you continue to trust in the God of the impossible, He can do all things!

Shay said...

Kirsten, thanks for sharing all of the updates and keeping me informed of how best to pray. I can't begin to imagine all that you are going through. we do serve an amazing, powerful, miraculous God and I know He will continue to do miracles in Ewan's heart and life.

I am praying for you guys and for the long road ahead...Ewan is a fighter and I know you are too! Love you!

terri said...

i'm remembering now that each breath is a miracle for all of us, that we are all held up by the power of God's love for us. so i'm praying for a long, long string of those miracles for little ewan. and for you and james.

The Real Life of a Red Head said...

I am sick and dizzy reading this this morning. Kirsten, I am praying ferverntly for Ewan. I will pass it on my blog and on facebook.

Our God is a God of miracles. Even if those miracles aren't the ones we pray for.

Love to you.

sarahww said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Agnes said...

Praying for Ewan !

sarahww said...

All love and strength to you. Russ and I, along with the congregation of Westminster Pasadena, are lifting you up in thought and prayer.

Geezees Custom Canvas Art said...

Sending love and positive thoughts!

Kristan said...

I've been following your blog via facebook, I pray regularly, I cry often. Ewan is precious! Thank you for sharing your breaking heart and beautiful photos as often as you do, mama bear.

Jenny B said...

Praying for HIM to give ya'll HIS Grace Strength and sweet peace only HE can give!!!!

Lucas Family said...

My heart breaks for you and your family. I will pray, pray, pray for this miracle. I pray that God gives Ewan the strength to continue to fight for his life.

God Bless!

Rebecca said...

The God who created the whole world with a word, parted the Red Sea, brought water from a rock, closed the mouths of the lions, raised the dead, feed the 5,000, and conquered sin and death is the SAME God we serve today. He can do a miracle if that is His will. And, He promises that whatever He does is "good" We are petitioning Him earnestly to heal Ewan--from our point of view, that is definitely the "good" in this situation!! We won't cease praying until we get an answer. And, whatever the answer, we won't stop trusting that God's love for you, James and Ewan is incomprehensibly deep.

Rachel said...

Praying for your precious baby. May God watch over him and heal his heart. May He give the doctors wisdom as they care for him.
Hugs and Prayers
Rachel in TN
(I heard about Ewan through Matt and Karin Bronlewee)

The Hansen Family said...

Yes, gracious Father, a miracle.

Nikki said...

I've seen miracles happen! God can do ANYTHING. You have more faith than I ever could in this situation and that will carry you, through the sunshine or the storm.

You have my undivided prayers!

Michael Danis said...

You don't know me, but your friend Caleb and his sister Bre are very near and dear to my heart. I have been praying for Ewan and you since I first heard last night, and will continue to do so. I will send every prayer I have as fast as I can. God will see him through this. God bless you and your family and Ewan.

Erika said...

I just found out about baby Ewan last night through my friend Kara on FB. Your story is so similar to our son, Asher's, that my momma's heart is yearning for Ewan's full recovery. Our prayers are with you.

Asher stopped breathing on his 3rd day of life and they found that he had an interrupted aortic arch. They stabilized him but much damage was done and we had to wait for his body to stabilize before surgery could fix the problem. 3 weeks later he came through open heart surgery and has overcome every single obstacle in his way since then. Doctor's told us he is a DiGeorge baby and missing a piece of his 22nd chromosome....the outlook was bleak, but we held on to the promises found in Romans 8:28 "And we know that ALL things work together for GOOD to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose." We live in a fallen world full of sin, but God's love has the power to bring full redemption in every area of life to those who love Him. Continue to lean on Him, He will bring you through this time. I have never felt His presence so near and so strong as I did when Asher was in the hospital those first 2 months. People commented on the strength I had in the middle of such bleak circumstances, but God's love was the steadfast undercurrent beneath the turbulent waves of my emotions. He promises never to leave us or forsake us and that isn't felt more clearly than when we go through heart wrenching trials. Be encouraged!

Asher's prognosis was very bleak, even to the point of mental retardation, learning disorders, feeding issues...you name it. He has excelled passed all of them. The child is brilliant and just turned 18 months this month, running and playing with his older brother. It is the power of prayer that uplifts that child. I don't doubt that there is a great purpose for his life, as is the case with your little Ewan. God's hand is stronger than the enemy's and He will prevail.

Take each day as it comes and thank God for the highs and the lows because He works ALL things for GOOD! I am praying for your miracle, the same way I prayed for and am now witnessing ours.

I pray for the continued peace and manifest presence of God's love to surround you, uplift you and encourage you. Doctor's know a lot, but they don't make room in their prognoses for the workings of a loving God. Always keep that in mind and stand strong, leaning on HIM!

Bless you and your family.

Erika Bond

Monica Sharman said...

Kirsten,

I'm here via The High Calling's FB post. Praying for you all. Praying and praying.

Monica

Anonymous said...

we spent some scarey days in the NICU with our twin granddaughters, and now they are laughing, running 2 year olds. I've was awake during the night praying that Ewan will fight through to become a laughing, running toddler.
May God sustain and comfort you with His steadfast love, and may He heal Ewan.
with my ongoing prayers,
Betsy (friend of the Winfreys)

Anonymous said...

Oh! I have been out of town and just now been able to check up on all the blogs I follow.

What to say - prayers are being sent your way. LOTS of prayers and blessings.

Shannon Egan

Autumn said...

you don't know me at all, i found this via offbeatmama.com several months ago, but i just wanted to say that i am praying! God can do all things.

autumn from indy.

{andthisiswhatshesaid} said...

All my prayers for your sweet baby.

Melissa said...

My prayers are with you and and your family. Have faith that miracles work. Babies are resiliant and fight hard. Ewan is fighting; you continue to fight hard for him too.

Chrissie said...

Praying, praying, praying and beliving for a miracle

Joy said...

Praying, dear hearts! May you find peace and rest no matter the outcome.

Anonymous said...

My 5 year old just asked God to whisper in Ewan's hear that he loves him all the berries. (This is a phrase we use in our family meaning you couldn't be loved any more).
Prayers for peace and healing.
God Bless,
Kelly

tea said...

Praying for Ewan and for you and your husband.

melifaif said...

My prayers are flowing now and will continue. I know God can heal your babes heart....I know HE can!!! God please do your will....many blessings to you and your family.

BakerGirl said...

Thinking of you and Ewan...
Found you through House of Dolls.

mrs. prevost said...

just want you to know we are praying for you...someone in our church sent in a prayer request for Ewan. this is so dear to our hearts bc we have friends that are going through this same thing you are. you can read their story on bowensheart.com

God has worked miracles for them and i am praying He will in your little boy too :) i hope that you have peace through all the hard times and that hope and faith guides you.

many prayers,
melissa

Tiffany said...

so many prayers and so much hope you and your dear boy.

Robyn said...

there are no words to express how worried we are over here in the Haas household. We continue to pray and then pray some more! I do believe in miracles!

God please, please lead this little lamb out of the darkness in the valley and into the light of his mothers arms. Let them see his beautiful face with a sparkle in his eyes. Make him stronger by the hour to win this fight. I pray in your name...amen


The Haas Family

Robyn & Jim

Steph said...

Prayers coming your way...positive thoughts and praying for a miracle for baby Ewan and your family. I am so glad you baptized him. God bless all of you.

HennHouse said...

Praying.

Amber said...

Praying, praying, praying for that sweet baby boy.

Dustin & Emily said...

My heart is aching for your family...my Dylan is 2 1/2 and is a TOF baby too...heart babies are strong...I'll be praying for you all.

www.dustinemilynichols.blogspot.com

A Big Little Life said...

Praying for you and Ewan!!

meg said...

Praying with you, with expectant hearts that He will heal Ewan.

Marcelo2208 said...

Nós do Brasil também estamos orando por você Ewan! Deus irá fazer o que for melhor! Ele está no controle de tudo! Deus te abençoe e guarde infinitamente, em nome de Jesus Cristo tudo dará certo!

God bless!

Misha Kay Mara said...

Dear Heavenly Father, We serve a GOD of miracles. Who can move heaven and earth and who knows Ewan's cause. For you see knew us while we were yet in our mothers womb. We ask for your tender love and mercy to surround Ewan asking for complete healing to come to his mortal body at this time. We ask you to heal and touch his family at this time and give them strength to go through this tribulation. Give the doctors wisdom, give his mom and dad that special annointing. We ask all this in the name of Yahshua! May Ewan rise and be healed in the name of Yahshua to the glory of YAHWEH the Father above! Amen!