25 October 2010

Looking Ahead

I've been thinking about this space a lot and wondering what its future might be. It's been helpful for me to use this space as I process and move through the grief of losing Ewan, to connect with other mothers (whether they have been through anything like this or not), and to continue to share this beautiful baby boy with the world.


When I first set up the blog, I had three very specific ideas in mind: 1) To get as many people praying for Ewan as possible, 2) Connect with other mothers/families who had been through similar experiences, and 3) To share information about congenital heart defects, the most common type of birth defect that so many people have never heard of before.

Maybe some of you have been wondering along with me: What now?

Team Ewan has turned into something more than I ever envisioned: a place for me to process through grief, share how I see God leading me on this path, and what I continue to learn from Ewan along the way. The connections that I have made with so many of you who visit here have transformed me. I certainly have my own ideas for the future for this space, but just like our journey with Ewan, I've learned that sometimes my ideas are too small. I've learned that what I want might not be the best thing -- or in fact what I really want at all. Over the course of the last month or so, I've seen this site turn into something way better than I ever could have imagined.

And so I'm holding the question open and am going to keep my eyes open to see if and how the answer presents itself. I'm not going to force it or press it or rush it -- I think the answer will be obvious when it comes.

So, Ewan ... what should we do now?

19 comments:

KLaw said...

You and your precious boy continue to inspire me every day. I look forward to reading your posts and find comfort in your words, as I am sure you do in ours. Wherever the journey takes you, we are here with you.

christianne said...

I have a big smile on my face as I read this ... I love the surrender in you to what this site is meant to be as you keep moving forward through this. Such surrender is so good, and you seem to have opened your hands willingly to the question.

Love you ... and so thankful God is providing you and Jill with each other's presence this week. Praying that it is a holy, breath-filled time. xoxo

Sarah said...

Love your questions here and the open heart that asks them - I'd wondered what you would do with this space. Praying that you receive some clear answers! Love.

Anonymous said...

This site inspires me daily. You and precious Ewan have taught me alot about faith in the last few weeks. Thanks for sharing your life with me and your precious baby. amy

Anonymous said...

You mentioned something about a book. I think you've already started it. I look forward to reading your posts. I always feel inspired, and I learn from them. I don't think anything works well forced, but the willingness to see how this has gone beyond what you imagined inspires me to think that we'll hear more from you. Praying for answers and that you are shown the right fit for you. Praying for and sending love to you and Ewan. Sarah V.

terri said...

so wise, this listening and wondering and waiting. i love how your heart poses its questions.

i'm shuddering a little at how powerful and vulnerable your love for ewan has made you. i wonder what will come of this holy thing in you.

hopeannfaith said...

Such a courageous questioning. I've wondered, like many of Ewan's followers, how this would evolve or devolve...whether Team Ewan would transform into a network or we would slowly move to your personal blog to remain connected to the eternity that Ewan and You and James have opened the path to.

I applaude (have applauded) your courage in all of this. How, you, Kirsten, have comforted us in our loss of you son, while allowing us to try and comfort you.

This is an eternal space, as are all posting into the cyberspace we call the internet. Someone will, many years from now search the name Ewan, or Eliezer or just heart defects and this site will come up and Ewan will turn yet another heart back to God the Father...in that was Ewan's Mission here, I think.

You, Ewan, your life, is an interal part of my life now. And while it is true that some friends are for a season and some for an eternity...all of this feels like eternity, in fact it has the entire time.

So as you find where this leads, I too will be here, following and hopefully helping you through where all of this goes.
Blessings,
Andrea

Stefenie said...

You know I am here to support you in whatever direction you decide to take this blog.

Praying!!!!

Megan said...

I've been going through the same feelings regarding my own blog!

Don't stop talking about him. You are his mommy. You knew him better than anyone else in this world. You will never tire of talking about him. You will always have something new to share. Don't stop saying his name here! We all love to hear it :)

My prayers are with you,
Megan @ A story unfolding

Shay said...

I'm glad you are keeping the site...I look forward to each post you write. I know God will lead and guide you as to how to use the site. I know you are inspiring so many, including me, and I can't wait to see how God is going to continue to use you and your beautiful words.

Still praying! love you lots!

Kristine said...

I know whatever you Ewan feel led to do will be amazing, and I'll be here to root you on and to help in anyways possible. xo

Wayne and Sue Rasmussen said...

A friend of ours did a very similar thing with her blog when she lost her husband of 20 years in January 2009, leaving her with 6 children to raise. She became open and vulnerable as she worked through her grief on her blog. Her faith and trust in God was such an inspiration to all of us and I know God used her to help others work through their grief as well. God is and will continue to use you as well. Reading your blog certainly puts my trials into sharp focus ...

Michelle said...

is there a CHD foundation or organization that you TRUST that either works towards advances in treatment or caring for families & these precious little ones? perhaps we could organize a fundraiser in Ewan's name - get people to donate things, have people bid (adjusting the amount per bid according to the value of the prize), and give all the money to said place. i've seen adoption fundraisers done this way, and some have been extremely successful. obviously that wouldn't be a long-lasting purpose for this space, but it's something you could do through here while people are still very much wanting to be a part of Team Ewan.

feel free to think i'm TOTALLY mental & ignore me... and i'm very sorry if for some reason i don't realize, this is offensive to you. i'm just trying to think of a way to continue giving Ewan a legacy, and this is what came into my head. :-)

praying for you...

- michelle

Ellen said...

I love that picture...such a sweet expression on Baby Ewan's face. Prayers are with you and your family.

An Okie's Mama said...

Your writing has been an inspiration in my day to day life and in my spiritual walk. I have prayed for you many times and truly cannot understand your pain but your writing has definitely opened my eyes to true loss and the heartache of heart defects. I saw one of the comments mentioned that you had mentioned writing a book ... and I think that would be amazing if you did. I think your precious little boy has had an impact on many people - I know his story has definitely impacted me.

Erin said...

I am one of the people that you have educated about congenital heart defects. Because of you, heart mommies and heart babies are in my daily prayers. Your faith amazes me daily. You have taught me much without even knowing me. I thank you. God Bless.

Marcia Dempsey said...

I have been moved by your blog and touched by the grace you display. My granddaughter, Teagan Maxwell, has HLHS and has been such a gift to me and my family. Many times, as I prayed for your precious child, I imagined the pain I would feel if something happened to Teagan. Just the thought is unbearable and brings tears to my eyes. The beauty of God's love lived out through you should be shared - through your blog but also shared with a greater audience.

I believe you need to write a book and catalog every blog, continuing into your continued journey through the pain, as God continues to reveal His love for you. You might even consider including thoughts and experiences from other parents who have children born with congenital heart disease.

The poignant words you use and your heartfelt emotion creates such a powerful script. In this life, we are all touched by births, deaths, and somewhere in between, the ability to feel all the emotions that both extremes bring us. Blessings to you and your family. God has great things in store as you use this experience to touch others!

Marcia Dempsey

sarahww said...

I'm so glad that you posted this. I think you had a similar post a little while ago, which I wanted and didn't get to respond to!

Believe me when I say writing is your gift to both Ewan and the rest of us. I think I've said it before, but your honest, courageous words are helping take all of us outside ourselves and take new steps, believe more deeply, live more deliberately. I know I've been encouraged by this blog, as have people that I know.

For that reason, I hope you continue to use it to build a movement, a community, an online manifestation of an intimate, continuing journey of hope and faith that your readers can share.

These blog entries could easily be turned into a manuscript (with lots of photos). I'd be happy to share resources re: submitting manuscripts to publishers and agents.

chelsburke2 said...

I know I am a year behind but in reading this I am glad you continued to blog. I obviously see that you are still blogging and I am going to catch up with your journey one day! I just know it!