12 April 2011

Changes, and a thought or two on the body

Not long ago, I spent some time sharing with you many of the challenges we have been facing. Some of these challenges arose prior to Ewan's conception and birth, and some of them have popped up as new challenges in the weeks and months since that time. I'm here to share that there's some positive change in that regard.

There has been a burst of light.

James got a job.

Wait a minute, let me rephrase that:


This is something we have been waiting for and praying for in the nearly two years since we got married. It is a challenging economic environment for just about anyone, but the task of finding work seemed especially challenging in our area of the country. No matter how many times he applied, no matter what types of jobs, and no matter who we had networked with in our search for employment opportunities, nothing ever worked out. Not even an interview.

So how did this come about?

You will perhaps remember that James and I spent some time in Nashville and in Florida prior to my return to work in early February. When we went on that trip, we wanted to remain open to the possibility that there may be opportunities for us in the places we were visiting. While in Florida, an opportunity came up in discussion with the friends with whom we were staying.

Long story short: that's the opportunity we are pursuing. We are moving to Florida.

It's all happening quickly, but there are a few things I can tell you. The current plan is that James will start his training in about two weeks on Monday, 4/25. He's driving from Seattle to Florida (a little over 3,000 miles), which means he will have to leave by this weekend. I'm going to stay behind in the Seattle area for a few months to tie up loose ends with getting moved out of our apartment and so I can keep working to ensure that we both have health insurance coverage until his kicks in at 90 days. I'll be staying with a friend of mine for a couple of months after our lease is up at the end of May until we are ready for me to make the move as well. It will be challenging to be apart for that long, but I'm confident that with everything we have dealt with in the past two years, that we can make it through this three month (or so) period.

This is what 3,069 miles looks like

People have asked me before and I was asked again recently if it will be difficult to leave Ewan behind. As a Catholic, I believe the body is important. It is not just a shell. When God made the body, he said it was good. Christ gave the body further dignity through his incarnation, his taking on of human flesh. I believe that one day at the resurrection, our expired bodies will be raised again and brought to perfection and newness of life. That being said, Ewan's body will be staying put in Seattle. For as long as he was here with us, Seattle was his home. He is buried in a good  Catholic cemetery where we can trust his remains will be treated with compassion and dignity. We are confident that this is the best possible place for him to be, and for him to remain.

And without wanting to be overly sentimental, he is always with us. When I'm at the cemetery standing near that tiny plot of earth that covers his body, I know that it's him down there. I am well aware that the little body that was safe inside mine -- kicking and squirming and rolling and pushing way too hard to the right -- is down there. That matters to me. But I don't need to be in a cemetery or near his body to feel close to him. His body is there, but it is no longer animated. He's alive in heaven, and I have it on good authority that he's been busy. That's a part of him I can be near to and have access to no matter where in the world I am.

I realize that other families who have experienced similar losses have chosen to handle this issue differently, and this choice was made out of love for their children. I hope it makes sense that the choice we make to allow his buried body remain where it currently rests is also made out of love. It may be a long way off, but we will see him in the flesh again one day. And I also know that the part of him that still lives and intercedes on the behalf of others will be with us no matter how far we drive.

He is with us, even in our fresh start.