Greetings from the land of the busy mama!
I just wanted to pop my head up, say hello, and share some happy news with you: Austen was baptized yesterday, welcomed into the community and life of the church on the Feast of Corpus Christi.
My heart was feeling particularly tender as we waited for this day. Ewan's baptism was so very different: James offering up an "Our Father" and blessing Ewan with the water over the hum of machines in the NICU. We didn't know it yet, but Ewan would go into emergency heart surgery the following day. It was just the three of us: no one else to stand witness, no one else to celebrate. But in truth, it didn't feel particularly celebratory. It did, however, feel particularly necessary in that moment.
We've been planning Austen's baptism for a couple of months. We met with a coordinator at our church and planned a party at our home for after. She wore a beautiful dress and we invited friends and family to come participate and celebrate with us at the Cathedral. It was as different as it could be.
I can't tell you how acutely I felt Ewan's presence as the day approached. I sensed something of him strongly at every time of day, no matter where I went, no matter what I did.. My heart felt pulled in every direction. It hurt.
But after all that, I was glad, because he was there to celebrate with us. I know he adores his little sister and that he delights in watching her grow, experiencing the things that he never got to experience.
As one of my friends said, it's a lot for one mama heart to hold. But like the mama belly, the mama heart has a miraculous capacity to stretch and expand, to make way for the loves she carries with her. And that is evermore the case with my son and daughter.