Stefenie is holding a special blogging event today to bring together the stories of many heart families. Click on the icon above to see more.
I hardly know where to begin, since there are so many places we could start:
January 25, 2010: The happy day we found out we were pregnant with our first baby
That moment three or so weeks after conception when, unbeknownst to us, something went terribly wrong with the heart
The 20-week ultrasound on May 19, 2010 where we first heard the words "congenital heart defect" and "Tetralogy of Fallot" -- hearing abortion suggested
The fetal echo on June 1, 2010 at 22 weeks where it was confirmed -- hearing abortion discussed again
The 12 weeks between the fetal echo and now as we've done our best to anticipate and prepare in what ways we canIn some ways, this story hasn't really started. Very important parts of our story remain to be written -- it isn't time yet. Ewan is still swimming happily inside me, his repeated kicks and prods assuring me that he's doing quite well in there. I'm torn between desperately wanting to meet the baby boy that makes me giggle with his squirms, rolls, punches, and kicks, and wanting him to stay safe inside there forever. I know I can't do that.
I don't know yet what it's like to sit and wait for a baby in surgery. I don't know what it's like to count the tiles as you pace the floor. I cannot relate to watching monitors with numbers changing, to tracing the pathways of tubes and wires with your eyes, to feeling so helpless as watch your little one fight for his life.
But barring a miracle, we will know. We will know that path soon enough. And we need other families who have been there to walk with us -- sit with us, wait with us, cry with us, and hope beyond all hope with us.
For more on our story thus far, click here.