23 August 2010

Our heart story (is just getting started)

Every Heart Has a Story
Stefenie is holding a special blogging event today to bring together the stories of many heart families. Click on the icon above to see more.

I hardly know where to begin, since there are so many places we could start:
January 25, 2010: The happy day we found out we were pregnant with our first baby
That moment three or so weeks after conception when, unbeknownst to us, something went terribly wrong with the heart
The 20-week ultrasound on May 19, 2010 where we first heard the words "congenital heart defect" and "Tetralogy of Fallot" -- hearing abortion suggested
The fetal echo on June 1, 2010 at 22 weeks where it was confirmed -- hearing abortion discussed again
The 12 weeks between the fetal echo and now as we've done our best to anticipate and prepare in what ways we can
In some ways, this story hasn't really started. Very important parts of our story remain to be written -- it isn't time yet. Ewan is still swimming happily inside me, his repeated kicks and prods assuring me that he's doing quite well in there. I'm torn between desperately wanting to meet the baby boy that makes me giggle with his squirms, rolls, punches, and kicks, and wanting him to stay safe inside there forever. I know I can't do that.

I don't know yet what it's like to sit and wait for a baby in surgery. I don't know what it's like to count the tiles as you pace the floor. I cannot relate to watching monitors with numbers changing, to tracing the pathways of tubes and wires with your eyes, to feeling so helpless as watch your little one fight for his life.

But barring a miracle, we will know. We will know that path soon enough. And we need other families who have been there to walk with us -- sit with us, wait with us, cry with us, and hope beyond all hope with us.

For more on our story thus far, click here.


Nadine said...

Praying for you! Love you! :) Hello baby Ewan!!!! Grow big and strong for your mommy and daddy! Baby Jaden is looking forward to hearing all about how you overcame your heart troubles! You'll be an inspiration to babies all over the world! :)XOXO! The Dillard Family

joye said...

Found you through Stefenie's blog! Praying for you and baby Ewan in the upcoming days and weeks...

Stefenie said...

Thanks for joining the blog event Kirsten. Hope it gets many more families following your amazing story and extra prayers for Ewan's upcoming birth!

Anonymous said...

I know it is hard to believe this right now but you are about to embark on an AMAZING journey. One that my family would not trade for anything (however, if I could take away my daughter's pain I would) but her half of a broken heart has taught me how to love with my whole one.

We were diagnosed very early on in our pregnancy. At first they thought it was TOF due to the way she was always laying but they later (on Valentines Day 2008 no less!) changed the diagnosis to Truncous Arteriosus Type II.

No, you have no idea what it is to experience all of those things you mentioned - but you soon will. One day, you too, will extend out a hand to another "heart mommy to be" and share your amazing story.

Ewan is such a blessing...enjoy these last few weeks of your pregnancy.

Shannon Egan
cp: McKenzieLayneEgan

Melissa said...

Found your blog from Stefenie's. I have a son that has Tetralogy he was born July 4th 2009 and we didn't know about his CHD until July 5th. It has been a ride but he has done amazing! I will be thinking of Ewan,you and your family in the upcoming months. feel free to email me, one of the best things I did was find another mother who was going through the same thing.
Take Care

Katie said...

You are going to do so fantastic...you're already a wonderful heart mom. Just taking it a minute at a time is about all you can do as well as consistently hand Ewan over to God, time and time again. It does help, as simple as it sounds. Remember that you are not alone! There are many of us who've been there and don't be afraid to call on us!

Thanks so much for your kind donation to our team! The Covey Run was so fun :) Maybe next year, you can get a Team Ewan put together and we'll push our strollers together!

Hang in there and know that I'm here. God bless!
Heart hugs,
Katie (Maddie's mom)

Shannon said...

I wish I could hug you!

The whole heart mom experience really is impossible to accurately put into words, but you will completely understand soon. And you better believe that we'll be there praying, crying, rejoicing...because that's what heart moms do! :)

Welcome to the club! :)

BlessedMommy said...

I am praying for Ewan... He will be just a couple of weeks behind Mason... They can root each other on!!!