Remember this list? That's the list of just some of the challenges that this past year has held. We have certainly seen some positive changes since then (James got a job -- yeay!!) and we found out we're having another baby (BIG yeay!!). These are both things we've been hoping and praying for for some time.
Naturally, this means substantial adjustments to our life -- because the changes are positive, our attitude has been to accept the challenges that come with the changes. For example, James' new job is in Florida. He's been there for about three weeks and I'm still in Seattle. I'm newly pregnant and dealing with the bulk of our cross-country move (including moving all our things into storage for a couple of months until I head to Florida), as well as dealing with a very busy season at my job. These are all things we're thankful for, but it's still a lot to manage.
But anyone who has been pregnant knows how incredibly tired you can be in the first trimester. That new little person is teensy, but demanding! I've already received several admonitions not to do any heaving lifting, or cleaning (both challenging for a person who likes to get things done and who just so happens to be moving). I no longer have James here to help make my lunches, do the dishes, or get the mail. Even smallish, mundane tasks like that can feel daunting at this stage, let alone big ones like moving a thousand square feet worth of a married life a little over 3,000 miles.
I'm thankful for all these things -- our life together is moving in a positive direction, and we are both confident that the sacrifices we're making in the short term will pay off in the long term.
And then in the midst of all this, my grandfather died.
Whether the one who dies is 16 days old, or 89 years old, grief is still grief. I can tell myself all I want about how he no longer suffers (thank God!), about what a full and rich life he led, and about how no one escapes death in the end. It doesn't help.
I was already beginning to feel (gratefully!) overwhelmed with all on my plate, and now I'm just overwhelmed and sad, wondering how in the world it will all get done, feeling like I cannot possibly sustain any additional major changes or trauma. The past two years of our life just seems to have been One. Thing. After. Another.